I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, and frankly, I don’t give a damn.

Originally I started this blog for my budding art business. But then it just kind of turned into a blog about my adventures in studying spirituality. So I tried to start a separate blog to write about the art I was creating, but it turns out I wasn’t interested in writing about that at all. I also discovered I didn’t like trying to make a living off of my art. Then I turned my art business, Art by Jaclyn Miriam, into Storm Media Management, and now I do all sorts of work with local music and artists. But I got so busy with the development of  Storm Media that for the past ten months I’ve completely abandoned writing The ART of Life as well as creating artwork, which is kind of the core of my being. Tonight, something came over me, and I decided it was time to revisit and revive The ART of Life!

So you see how this blog post title is fitting? I clearly don’t know what I’m doing, but that’s creative living. It’s not about having a master plan for a master product and everything being entirely mapped out from nothing all the way to major success. I mean, you can drive all the way from L.A. to New York City in the dark only able to see a few feet in front of you at a time. That’s sort of what creative living is like. You have and idea, which leads to an idea, which leads to an idea, and you just keep moving, letting it slowly develop the way light ever so slowly floods the sky at dawn, replacing night with day. And the creative process repeats, because you never get it done. Ideas keep leading to better ideas, day becomes night, and then it transforms into day again.

However, the most beautiful component of this blog post title is the “…and frankly, I don’t give a damn.” part. Initially it’s extremely challenging to care very intensely, to want very intensely, to love fiercely…with open arms and palms. In other words, in the face of big dreams that stretch far outside of that which we feel we can comfortably achieve, or people we love and desperately want to call our own that seem impossible catch, to hang onto–it’s challenging to remain open.  It’s challenging to love fiercely and “not give a damn” if it’s returned. It’s challenging to love without conditions. And yet, it’s the only way we can receive what we want. To love and inch towards our desires, through the darkness with faith that we will make it to their manifestation, without grasping, gripping, and suffocating them into nonexistence with our doubts and other negative thoughts.

That’s why I’m writing this post. To remind myself that life is supposed to be fun. The journey is supposed to fun. My purpose is joy. And when I don’t screw up and let negative energy gain momentum in my mind, I have pretty good days. But the occasional emotional face-plant only serves to strengthen my desire to live joyfully, as well as my ability to do so with less faltering. The pathway of joy is the pathway to allowing. It’s not get what you want, and then be happy. It’s figure out how to think your way to happy, and receive your heart’s desires. And get even more happy!

That said, my epiphany tonight was, hey, now that I’ve got my ever evolving Storm Media business, I think it’s time to revisit creating art, but for FUN this time. And I can return to writing whatever I want to write about, for FUN, in The ART of Life. And holy cow! I completely forgot I have an abandoned Etsy store! Maybe I can revamp the store, take the art I’m making just for fun, and sell it on there! And I bet I sell 1000 times more of it, because I’m not stressed out about creating it to try to make money, and I’m not stressed out about getting it sold, because I don’t have to sell it to survive.

So I’m really excited about my new blunderings down this heavily wooded, thick, unruly trek through the wilderness that is my curiosity. It’s like chasing a butterfly through the dense unknown into some magical place just over the hill. But the real magic is in discovering your own power to manifest not only the path to that magical place just over the hill, but to its entire creation as well.

Sleepless in Lincoln

It’s 12:30 a.m. on September 8th, 2015 and there is absolutely no reason I should be wide awake right now, but here I am. It’s storming outside. Lightening, thunder, torrential downpour, the works.  I’ve spent the past nearly three weeks moving, and today spent the whole day making a mass exodus from my home of the past four years. Every part of my body aches and I came home to my new apartment tonight to shower, eat, and crash so I could get up and do it all over again tomorrow (before work no less), but I’m still awake. The call to write something has taken over me.

Actually the call to create a new life keeps calling, calling, calling, and I’ve been struggling desperately to keep up with my own expansion. It’s why I haven’t written much in any of my blogs. I’ve just been overwhelmed by all of life for the past year, really. I think that’s the best word to describe it. Wholly overwhelmed for a full year. And that is why I’m moving from a house in the suburbs to an apartment downtown. It’s why I’ve gone from caring for three dogs to one. I’m downsizing and simplifying. I’m selling things off and giving things away. I need to create space and time in my life. Time to write. Time to create art. Time to slow down for a minute.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a doer. I’ll always be busy, busy, busy. I just want to be busy, busy, busy doing ALL that I LOVE. Not busy, busy, busy working in order to try to make enough money in order to pay bills or make the simplest of purchases and maybe squeeze in a little time for pursuit of what is calling me. I’ve been asking for this all my life, but I feel like now I’m finally ready to receive it. I’m dreaming of making a living creating art and working with bands and solo artists. I’m dreaming of being entirely self-employed and working from my apartment as well as out on the road traveling with bands. I want THAT.

We should all listen for and answer the call of our own soul. There isn’t a moment that goes by in which we aren’t receiving guidance. It’s called feeling. We all feel. We can feel what feels right and we can feel what feels wrong. We can even feel each thought as we think it, because thoughts all create their own waves of emotion. Furthermore, we can choose to change how we think, and we should make a change if the thoughts we are thinking don’t feel good. Because if the thoughts we are thinking don’t feel good, guess what. That’s our own built in GPS system telling us we’ve gone off course and need to reroute, or rethink.

Einstein said imagination is more important than knowledge. I think this is true, because inspiration sets off imagination and inspiration is the key to deliberate creation. Inspiration: being in spirit. Being one with your soul. And in order to be one with your soul, you have to feel good first, and you have to figure out how to make yourself feel good and live in that space more often than not. Learning how to feel good no matter what is the key that unlocks every door you’ve ever wanted to open. So I say yes, imagination is more important than knowledge. But I say understanding and mastering emotion is most important, because it is through emotion that all manifestation occurs.

That said, I’ve finished my beer and I’m going to go to sleep to the sound of my dog’s breathing, curled up in bed next to me, and the rain.

How to Find Your Soulmate: Mate with Your Own Soul

If you want to find your soulmate, mate with your own soul.

Fall in love with your own soul.

That is the only love relationship you should be cultivating, because it determines everything present and future in your life. If you’re truly loving yourself, knowing yourself, sleep/eat/breathing what you love—then your life is JOY-filled, because you’re creating and attracting into your life things that match a love that comes from the soul.

once you fall in love

I’m on a journey of discovering myself. I have a history of losing who I am in relationships, and I can stay that way for a long, long time. However, there always comes a time when I can’t do it anymore, when desires I’ve unwittingly suppressed explode to the surface, destroying life as I once knew it. Then on I go, navigating the molten ash of my life ever so carefully on my way through brokenness to a forming a new kind of whole.

I’m mating with my own soul. Courting my own soul. Focused on discovering all that brings me fun and joy.

Even in my art business, I have catered to others. But now I’m being very picky, asking myself what do I want to create? Not what do I think I should create in order to make X amount of money. No, I’m not creating something I don’t feel joyous about creating. I’m not going to paint when I don’t want to. If I’m not ready for a show, I’m NOT doing it. I’m letting love rule my life.

heart window

I want to become 100% self-employed. But I want to do it because I’m IN LOVE with my work. So this is also important to me now. I want to let go of everything, all thoughts, all expectations, all ideas about what my life should look like….and just fall in love with my work. Just fall in love with painting. Fall in love with wood work. Fall in love with making mosaics. I want to follow my love for my work into self-employment, without knowing what that will look like or how it will take shape.

I feel motivated now, but from a very different place. From the core of my being, I feel called towards things I love, and this great leap of joy in my heart as I answer that call.

DREAMING OUT LOUD

I don’t know how my art business will look, but I know how I want it to feel. I want to wake up each day, self-employed, feeling sooooo good. I want to ease into morning, reveling in the sunrise with cup of coffee in hand. Yoga, hiking, biking, kayaking…there will be an abundance of outdoor healthy activities sprinkled throughout many days of the week. But no matter how my morning goes, I want to ease into my work, letting my creative mind slow burn, gradually gathering momentum and lose myself in the fun and joy of it all, so much so I could miss lunch and not even know. I love when my creative work takes me to this place of oneness with Source where I get lost in it. But I’m SO productive, creating so much, it seems almost unreal that I could churn out so much amazing artwork at such an incredible rate. That’s the synchronistic power of co-creating with Source!

Some days in my self-employment will be dedicated to my horsemanship journey, expanding my knowledge of natural horsemanship through love and play. Parts of some days will be about learning guitar so I can one day write music like I write poetry. I want to be a songwriter and write for others, I feel that love calling, calling, calling. I have no desire to be a performer, but I have a deep desire to write music and lyrics for others.

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Some days in my self-employment will involve travel. Travel is HUGELY important to me as I want to see the world, I love other cultures and have a deep desire to be fluent in several languages, first and foremost French, Spanish, and Italian.

Most days in my self-employment will involve work with musicians via social media management, booking dates, or any other wide variety of band management duties. It’s a labor of love! I want to help the bands I’m working with rise up and be heard far and wide. I want to play a key role in elevating these amazing people, hopefully bringing them the freedom to play music full time, do what they love, love what they do, and hopefully through that abundance bring greater financial abundance to us all as well!

So there will be much work to do, but there will be so much love that extended hours of work won’t be mentally/emotionally/physically draining. Instead, there will be a deep satisfaction in exhausting oneself in labors of love. The satisfaction that comes from the sense of creating something with purpose, feeling myself being a part of something bigger than me! A feeling of awe and wonder that is only compounded when working on these things as part of a team with others, like my fellow creative musician friends.

THINKING OUT LOUD

So I started this blog to really write more about finding one’s soulmate. But being the good student of Abraham-Hicks that I am, I took that concept of mating with my own soul into a rampage of creating a life I love. It makes perfect sense. Mate with your own soul first, and on that journey, you will discover your soulmate. Soulmate friends, soulmate lovers, or a soulmate for life. But if you meet someone before you’ve really done the work of mating with your own soul, you will only find a match to where you are at that place and time. You don’t want to meet your soulmate before you are ready or before he or she are ready. You want to meet your soulmate once you’re both aligned with Source. That’s when the magic happens. And I’m just not willing to settle for anything less than magic, so let the journey to loving myself and my life more fully continue to unfold and I will be just as happy as can be living out that unfolding!

And I’m wishing the same for you. Happy self-loving your way to happily ever after!

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Until the Path is Blatantly Obvious, There’s Nothing for You to Do!

Everything is gathering momentum. You’ve just got to decide if what’s central in you right here and now is a good feeling thing that’s gathering momentum or whether it’s not a good feeling thing that’s gathering momentum.

Since you’ve already decided what you want, the opportunity, the probability, the certainty of it is never-endingly unfolding. There are constantly 30 or 40 or 50 viable avenues in your immediate vicinity that could be absolutely, accurately called ‘on your path factors’ that most humans are oblivious to because they’ve got a frequency going on that keeps them from realizing it even though it’s right there.

That’s why it’s only this vibrational shift in you that is necessary…

-Abraham-Hicks

Just LOVE this place. I get this magical feeling every time I see Blanca Peak.
Just LOVE this place. I get this magical feeling every time I see Blanca Peak.

So how do we turn our wantings, our desires, from vibrational things into being?

You have to do it vibrationally, then you will be the realizer of it into what is tangible. It’s about you rendezvousing, it’s like you sensing the path, you feeling the path, you knowing the path, you being able to see it, it’s all around you, you’re just not seeing it sometimes, because you’re on a different frequency.

-Abraham-Hicks

So here I am, wanting so many things, feeling so many things, feeling restless, hearing the words of Abraham through Esther’s voice, “You are knowing what you are wanting?”…Am I? As I sit here in my recliner, with a mess all around from being an artist, living with three dogs, and being a bartender (it’s Monday, which means I just worked three crazy days in bars and am exhausted)…I ask myself, what am I wanting right now?

CLARITY.

My head has been buzzing and fuzzy from a busy weekend of tending bar and overall sensory overload from hearing the life and times and trials and tribulations of my patrons, pushing myself through it all, on little sleep, flitting from one conversation to another task, to another conversation, to another task, trying not to forget something or someone, trying to give all my attention or split all my attention appropriately, on the right people and things at the right time, with the ever present truckload of coffee I have surging through my veins keeping me going. As stereotypical as it may be, it seems I am always trading my blood for coffee or alcohol. It’s love, though.

And almost the moment I firmly decide it’s clarity I want most, an answer from my inner being comes booming through the loudspeakers in my brain. Put on some music, get lost in it, get clean and organized…and get out that damn guitar and get to work! You have so many songs to get out that can’t come out until you pick up that guitar and PLAY.

There it is.

A start at least.

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Create your life like an artist.

I don’t need to know my future several months in advance. I only need enough clarity in my life to light the path in front of me for the next footfall. And I only need it just in time. And if the path isn’t lighting up for you, maybe you need to just stand still for a little while.

And that’s ok. It’s ok to stand still, in the dark, and wait for somethign to light up.

But I think it’s equally ok to be filled with much love, much wanting, much desire, much ambition and for it to be a chaotic, yet powerful force within your soul. It’s ok to feel like a volcano searching for all the right avenues in which to erupt. As an artist filled with so many creative, passionate ambitions, finding oneness with Source in each moment is so important. Every moment can be potentially black and I need that particular lantern in order to avoid potentially self-destructive moves.

So how does one deal with “too many opportunities”? (Sort of where I feel I am at now.)

If you are really centered in who you are, if you are really feeling good, there’s no such thing as too many opportunities, because you’re so in the flow, as they come, it’s like having a whole lot of dance partners whom you are up to speed with. It’s like watching the perfection of a magnificent basketball team. (Spurs…Esther is slightly addicted.) And seeing their heads up awareness of one another, their intuitive sensing of where they are in relationship to everything else, and not wanting to just stand there alone, but embracing the idea of all of those moving parts for which they are ready for, you see. When you’re not ready, you don’t want anyone throwing you the ball. Don’t throw me the ball, it could hit me in the face. Don’t throw it to me, don’t throw it to me ever. Don’t throw it to me, throw it to somebody else, I’m not ready yet.

But when you are up to speed, you’re ready, then you want to do that dance, you see. There is no such thing as too many moving parts when  you’re tuned in, tapped in, turned on, because you have the foresight, you have the understanding, you have the broader perspective, you can be in the right place at the right time. So that feeling is always a feeling that comes when there is wobble in your vibration, because when there’s wobble, you’re out of balance, and when you’re out of balance, you don’t want many moving parts.  -Abraham-Hicks

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Two of my three puppies outside Pagosa Springs, Colorado. It’s a magical place in which I feel FOREVER in a state of awe. I lived there for a summer in 2009 and still, every day, I was awestruck by the ever changing beauty of this place.

That’s where I want to be. I love being busy and being active, but I want it to feel really good, and feel like everything I’m doing is flowing like an expertly executed dance with a lot of different partners I’m up to speed with. I have my art business. I freelance Graphic Design work. I tend bar in three different bars now. And I book music and help with marketing one of those bars. I’m also planning to go back to school for my Bachelors of Fine Art in Graphic Design (Minor in Spanish and Marketing) in May 2015. In addition to that I’m planning a huge studying abroad trip for next January through April as I’m on a mission to become fluent in Spanish and Portuguese as well as create a poetry/photography book or books of this huge life-changing journey. So yes, fluidity in a very busy, active, ambitious life coupled with the clarity of oneness with Source is my greatest focus now. I want to co-create some really incredible art through visual arts as well as music. Poetry, painting, photography, graphic design, songwriting…I want to do it all. I am doing it all. I’m dancing!

At first the manifestation is an emotional one. But right behind that comes streams of thoughts and really good ideas, really good ideas. And as those ideas begin to flow and you just go with those ideas, then what happens is, manifestations begin to happen around you. It feels like and it is exactly like you are allowing what you put into the vortex to move from the vortex into your reality. And it’s SO. MUCH. FUN. when you get to be in on every piece of it as it moves in.

We’re out here on the leading edge, on the leading edge together. So if you can stand in your now, finding this emotional place, not needing to shore it up with details, just feeling the pureness of the emotion of it…

No need to explain how you got here.

No impulse to talk about that.

Those conditions can just be left out of the equation.

NO NEED TO EXPLAIN HOW YOU GOT HERE. Feel the refreshment of that. You don’t have to explain it, justify it, or defend it, describe it, or make anybody else “get” it. Just let that go. 

So you’re just standing here, Oh, and there’s another piece. No dog in the fight about the outcome. No needing to define where you’re going next. So in the never mind how you got here and no investment in the outcome, no investment in the outcome! If there’s no investment in the outcome, you’re not going to introduce contradiction to it.

So you already did Step 1, you already put it there, Source is already fully involved in the outcome and has orchestrated circumstances and events and rendezvous beyond our ability to describe it in a way that Esther can say it verbally. In other words we just cannot tell you how much has already been orchestrated on your behalf about the things that you want. No investment in that outcome, not your job. Step 2, not your job.

Your job, right here, right now, just feeling the love, right here, right now.

Never mind how you got here, never mind how it’s gonna unfold, just this feeling that the path is coming to you. The path is coming to you! The path is coming to you and before you’re aware of it, there’s nothing for you to do!

THAT’S THE BIG PIECE!

You don’t need to call somebody, you don’t need to write something down, you don’t need to goose it up, you don’t need to motivate yourself. Until the path is blatantly obvious, there’s nothing for you to do! Nothing for you to do. And we promise you, you won’t be bored, because the path will unfold and you’ll know, it won’t be shouldn’t I or should I, it’ll be,

“I’m going, I’m going, I’m doing, I’m in, I’m in, I’m in, I’m in, I’m in, I’m in!”

Someone will say to you, “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why are you so excited?”

“I don’t know that either.”

“Well, how do you explain how bright you look?”

“I can’t explain that either. I’ve just found this sweet spot, I found this sweet spot where I’m not invested in how I got here and I’m not invested in where I’m going because that is dynamically already orchestrated. I’m just here in an utter state of allowing.”

And in that state of being, the path shows up. You feel so brilliant, you just feel so brilliant! First you feel blessed, oh man, and then you feel brilliant, then you feel inspired, then you feel happy. It just keeps coming and coming and coming. You get in that state, you have no idea what you mean by moving parts. So many moving parts, orchestrated by the universe.

Esther laid in bed the other morning and she thought about all the things that she doesn’t have to think about. Like…almost everything: the earth spinning in its orbit in perfect proximity, don’t need to think about that, is the sun going to come up? Don’t have to think about that. Is my blood going to keep pumping today? Don’t have to think about that.

SO. MUCH. Already happening on your behalf. You could not be in better vibrational hands or state of being. It’s time for you to accept the perfection of who you are and what you’ve put into your vortex, and to stand in this place of allowing the path to show itself to you, and until it does, DON’T MOVE.

Waiting for inspiration, waiting for the compelling path to sweep beneath my feet and light up in a way that every fiber of my being feels the rightness of this path.

But before that happens, you have to chill out.

You’ve got to find the feeling of love more often.

You have to be less conditional, and that’s the part that’s a little bit tricky. If a train is going 100 miles an hour in one direction, you don’t want it to go 100 miles an hour the other direction abruptly, it’s hard on the contents of the train. You don’t want that. It doesn’t need to be that way. You already have plenty of momentum. Everything is right on track for you.

Our attention is not upon you getting to where you want to be. Our attention is upon you feeling so good on your path right here, right now, because your life is always going to be on your path right here, right now. You’re never going to be over there where you think you want to be, because your path is constantly unfolding. So when you make peace with the rightness of where you are, and your life is about “Have I prepared the vibrational atmosphere here so that I have the clarity to experience the realization?” then OH, the people who flow into your world, the conversations that you have, the leading edge going to into the new place again, another new place, and another new place, and another new place!

This conversation has never been before unto all of the universe and here you all are, many of you at your very first Abraham Workshop and you’re right up to speed with everything that we’re talking about, because you prepared the vibrational atmosphere and when the path unfolded beneath your feet, you felt the resonance of it. You did, we saw you do that. This is a really good time for segment of refreshment. -Abraham-Hicks

Into the Storm
Even though I took this pic through the dirty windshield of my old truck, I still LOVE it for the storm clouds over the mountains.

It’s the easiest thing to do and the hardest thing to do at the same time. To let go of all expectation, to let go of needing to know and/or try to control the outcome, and to just be in a state of love. That feeling love is the only action that can bring you what you desire…it seems too simple. We’re all so trained into the concept of working hard and struggling in order to achieve. I know I am. But I’ve been practicing living in a loving state for quite some time now. Life is getting easier as a result. I wake up and focus my thoughts on appreciating the little things, like the warmth of my dogs laying next to me, my pillow (which fits my head perfectly), my home, electricity, etc. Now, I’ve noticed that when there’s a problem, half the time the solution shows up immediately after discovery of an issue, and sometimes even before! I’m not saying I’m without problems or issues. That’s hardly the case. I don’t have less problems, they just sit with me differently, because I’ve been actively, daily transforming my perspective. The perspective of love is the view from the mountaintop.

I used to live very much in fear. Always in fear. I never allowed myself to fully want what I wanted, because I was afraid of it. Now I embrace my impulses with excitement rather than excitement, then fear, then sadness. It takes practice to believe that you really can have, do, be whatever you want. There is no dream too big. There is no order of difficulty in creation. It is as easy to create a button as it is a castle. I do believe that now. I understand that.

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I haven’t done anything “big” since 2009. It’s time! These pictures are from Cancún, but this was where the idea to study Spanish abroad was born back in 2012.
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The Mexican/American breakfast at the resort. How beautiful is that!?

So here I am now, practicing my loving state of allowing and watching, slightly in amazement, the manifestation of all the things I’ve wanted. I know the longer I stay here and the deeper this practice becomes, the better my life is going to be. I want people to look at me and be amazed at my life. I want to be a power of example for others.

But first and foremost, my ULTIMATE daily morning affirmation is, Source, co-create this moment with me. I want to see with your eyes, hear with your ears, and feel with your love. Co-create this day with me, co-create with this life with me.

Mirror Mirror
My tequila-inspired selfie.

And when I am creating art, I call on all the artists who came before to co-create with me.

Toes in the Sand print marked
The world is my oyster. I am creating everything I feel inspired to create, including a 4 month studying abroad trip (Spanish and Portuguese) in 2016: Puerto Rico, Costa Rica, Rio de Janeiro and Salvador, Brazil! How crazy can you dream?

I know it’s not just me here, and there is nothing more awesomely powerful than inviting Source wholly into you and feeling it. Sometimes after I do that I’ll just feel so full of love, I cry. Not in a bad way, just in a…it’s such a powerful experience that physically there has to be a release. It’s an incredible, soaring feeling when it happens. Nothing feels better than oneness with Source. I encourage everyone to reach for that.

Just love.

Destroying FEAR and Living the Dream

Can you feel wellbeing when you’re not living it?

The thing about your human experience is, you’ve come to allow what is to dictate how you feel. So you’ve let the manifestation that matters most, which is the emotion that you feel, be dictated by things you can’t control. Do you know that collectively, you are creating this world? So you share it with a lot of other people. So you cannot control what every one of them do. You can’t control what any of them do. So if your happiness is dependent on what any of them or all of them are doing, then your most important manifestation, which is how you feel, is out of control too. And that’s what you’ve come to understand.

You’ve come seeking freedom from the bondage of the resistance, which is always self-imposed. 

You’ve come to understand that you can manifest joy no matter what now. No matter what now. No matter what now. And when you figure out that you can manifest joy from the power of your focus, then what happens is you become the deliberate creator that you came here to be, that you were born to be, that you still are even though you’ve forgotten. Then you become one who is in control of their vibration and when you’re in control of your vibration, you’re in control of your point of attraction. So when you’re in control of your vibration and you’re standing in vibrational alignment with all that you’ve become, then the manifestation has to shift.

And people who are watching you say, “Now that is just amazing, I’ve never ever known anyone to do that.”

And you say, “Well no one wanted it like I do. And no one was able to divert their attention from its opposite current manifestation long enough to allow the presence of what is wanted to become.”

We want you to understand creation in the way we understand it, which means you’ve got to step back and take broader view, which means you’ve got to stop being the flesh, blood, and bony person that you are, and become the vibrational being that you are, which means become the emotional being that you are, which means become the really picky emotional being that you are, which  means don’t put up with anything that doesn’t make you feel good, because if it doesn’t make you feel good, you’ve got yourself pinched off from your power, and when you’re pinched off from your power, you don’t have any power, and then you don’t manifest what you want to, and then it’s just a cycle of observing what is not wanted, and documenting it. Let me tell you about my life. I’d like to tell you about what’s been happening. Maybe if I tell it to you in great detail, you will understand it clearly enough you will help me move away from it. And we say, never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. It never works that way. Document it and hold yourself there. Document it and hold yourself there. Ignore it, and you can begin to move away from it. Focus upon what is really wanted and you begin to move toward that. Pretty clear. 

-Abraham-Hicks

It’s been a year or many great and tumultuous changes. They haven’t been easy. Lately I’ve been experiencing a great deal of fear in the form of job changes, trying to grow my art business, shifting from the safety of a relationship to the unknown of being alone, and in the midst of riding this roller coaster drama that is life, a tremendous amount of financial terror as I just try to find my footing while simultaneously supporting myself, three dogs, and three horses. As I wrote that, the U2 song “40” came to mind, taken from Psalm 40:

“I waited patiently for The Lord, He inclined and heard my cry, He brought me up out of the pit, Out of my reglade. I will sing, sing a new song, I will sing, sing a new song. How long to sing this song? How long to sing this song? How long, How long, How long, to sing this song? He set my feet upon a rock, and made my footsteps firm. Many will see, many will see and fear. I will sing, sing a new song. I will sing, sing a new song. I will sing, sing a new song. How long to sing this song? How long to sing this song. How long, How long, How long, How long, to sing this song?”

That’s what I want, to set my feet upon a rock and make my footsteps firm, by aligning with Source. And instead of fear, I want people to say, “Now that is amazing!” and be inspired. That’s what I want to do with this beautiful, glorious mess of myself and my life. We are all creators, but I was born an artist. Creating is like breathing to me. It’s my joy and my job. Today, I’ve done the work of pre-paving, of setting intentions for joy and abundance before I went to sleep and at the start of my day. Today I am able to follow my bliss from one moment to the next. The trick to freeing yourself from bondage is to prevent the thoughts that bind you to all the things you don’t want in the first place. The trick is to feel, to really feel, feel how your thoughts feel. And if they don’t feel good, feel for a thought that feels better. Feel your way up the ladder to better feeling, one rung at a time.

For me, I’m giving my worries to God, my Source, and just following my bliss with great FOCUS as well as great appreciation and gratitude for all that I have. And so it’s time to create, time to give life to some new works of art! I know once I take my attention away from all I fear and turn it towards all that I love, the fear vanishes. Love destroys fear.

So LOVE.

Say No To Good, Say Yes To Great

Good is good, but it’s not GREAT. As I move into a greater state of allowing in my life, many good options keep presenting themselves. But I don’t want to do what I like, I want to do what I LOVE. I want GREAT.

I want to sleep, eat, breathe art and horses.

I just had an epiphany yesterday regarding the Law of Attraction. Many times I’ve heard “think of yourself as a magnet” but this time it was different. In listening to one of Jack Canfield’s coaches use this analogy, the coach said, “When your thinking is positive and you’re focused on your goals and dreams, the magnet that you are is a magnetic match to your goals and dreams, so they can connect But when you’re focused on something positive while your thinking is negative, it’s like trying to put together two magnets that don’t match. They can’t connect.”  It’s just a different way of explaining that you have to become a vibrational match to what you desire, as Abraham-Hicks teaches.

Something else came to mind as I entertained the idea of myself as a magnet. The negative thoughts that aren’t a match to my desire; they are a match to negative experiences. So in thinking of all the things I do to vibrationally line up with what I really want–the affirmations, the thought shifting, the meditations–I suddenly realized that all the negative thought practices I do is working to line me up with things I don’t want. And when I worry about anything, I’m practicing manifesting negative experiences, because those thoughts cannot match me up with what I do want, even if I’m focused on what I do want while I’m worrying or stressing. As Abraham-Hicks says, “When you tell the universe what you want, it only hears what you really mean.” Another way of saying this is, your words do not matter. The universe responds to how you feel. The universe only responds to energy or vibration. And if you state what you want while simultaneously thinking negative thoughts, the universe is only going to hear and respond to the negative energy your negative thoughts are creating.

Phew!

This also brought to mind something I’ve heard Marianne Williamson say many times; there is no such thing as a neutral thought. So, you are either moving in the direction of your hopes and dreams or you’re moving away from them. There is no in between. But this is perfect. There is nothing to be feared about veering off course, because doing a little mental/emotional off-roading only serves to help you discover with greater clarity what it is that you really want–a clarity you may not have been able to reach without tasting the things that don’t taste good. Abraham-Hicks uses the metaphor of life as a buffet, which I love. When you go to a buffet, you don’t choose all of the foods that you have tried and know don’t taste good to you. No, you heap the things you know you really like onto your plate. But you don’t do the same with your thoughts. You think thoughts that make you feel bad, and even though you know they make you feel bad, you continue to think them. So the goal now is to become as picky about choosing your thoughts as you are when choosing the variety of foods to pile onto your plate at a buffet. Life is sort of like a buffet and the purpose of life is taste all things that are truly delicious to you. Close your eyes. Breathe deeply. Ask yourself, what is truly delicious in the future? Focus on the feeling of experiencing what you’re wanting. Go there in the mind and you will most certainly reach that space in the body.

I have not been sick lately, but my body has acquired a nasty cold, which has been with me for over a week now. I’ve noticed the separation between my body and spirit, because even while I felt myself in the bleary haze of one of the worst sinus headaches I’ve ever experienced, and even though I felt encompassed in an even greater fog of extreme pain when my sinus headache joined forces with all the symptoms of a tension headache, as muscle aches and misery ensued, I found that I felt clarity about what I wanted. I felt clarity about seeking the seeing of beauty around me. I felt clarity about growing my art business. I felt clarity about saving for a photonic therapy red light verses pursuing a band aid solution to aches and pains through chiropractor and acupuncture visits or pain medications. Despite the condition of my body, I found that I could still have clarity of mind even while my head was hurting so much, which I found interesting.

So in this miserable fuzz I managed to draw amazing experiences into my life. Before I got sick, I had been exploring the idea of joining one of Jack Canfield’s coaching programs. All of the miraculous components came together for me to join and so I did. I also made the decision to celebrate Lent by beginning a daily yoga practice. So far so good! I’m looking forward to seeing what other blessings life has in store for me!

Sleep, eat, breathe art and horses, here I come.

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One of my favorite spotlights at the Parelli Performance Summit in 2013 and I absolutely love those mountains in the background!

The Eternal Path

There’s really not a day that goes by that I don’t play music in some way or another. If music makes somebody’s day a little bit better, even for the three minutes that the song is on, then it’s working. 

I’ve always had a big fire inside me to create something. If I don’t feel like I’m creating something, then I feel like I’m dying and that’s what fuels the music and the songs. I will always write music.” 

Zac Brown of the Zac Brown Band

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I was listening to Abraham (Abraham-Hicks) yesterday on my way home from feeding my horses. It never ceases to amaze me how I can listen to the same mp3s over and over and still get something new out of them every time. Abraham teaches us that, “We can’t get it wrong and we’ll never get it done–that we can’t get it wrong because we’ll never get it done. Life is an eternal path. There is always going to be a gap between the eternal being that we are and the place we’ve physically expanded to, because the contrast of life is always going to cause us to launch new desires.”

My new understanding is that the second we launch a desire for something, the eternal part of us, being entirely free, immediately expands to this new level. This is one and the same with the teachings that all of our desires are created in a vibrational reality before they manifest into our physical reality. The eternal part of us is always going to be ahead of the physical culmination of our being. So it’s not about closing this gap, but it is about finding the path of least resistance from vibrational reality to physical manifestation. It’s about finding the path of least resistance to integrity, to the integration of our eternal spirit and our physical being. And then, with the launching of new desires,  a new gap is formed. It is right and it is good. There is no need to ever feel bad for not being where you want to be. It’s not about arriving at the desired destination, it’s about the realization that, being an eternal being in a physical body, we are always co-creating our own worlds in every moment. It’s about the realization of our creative power. It’s about the fun of creating whatever we want! This is why it’s so important to find joy in the now, to have fun on your way to the desires you’ve launched. Life was meant to be fun and that is the most difficult lesson for me to learn.

That’s also why I LOVE this Zac Brown quote so much. I love, love, love it! It just penetrated my soul as this is exactly how I feel about my art. I can feel that the eternal me has expanded into a place where the fire inside of me that drives me to create has grown into an inferno and I feel like I’m dying a little bit every day I don’t get to immerse myself in creating art. So I’m trying to reach that place in which I’m having my fun on my way to the great success I’m reaching for, like I feel Zac Brown has mastered. When a desire for something that hasn’t manifested gets extremely powerful, it’s imperative to achieve the state of allowing that lets the manifestation in…which means it’s imperative to have fun, to be filled with gratitude, to laugh, and to be joyous in the now. None of which are things I want to do! I want to work, and work, and work until I make my dreams manifest right here right now! But that’s only OK if I have fun, if I’m filled with gratitude, if I laugh, and if I’m joyous as I work my way to living ALL that I love. What I really, really, really want cannot manifest in my life as long as my energy is split between my deep-seated desires and my disappointment or devastation at not having what I want so badly yet. I have to do the work and do it with a smile, inside and out.

It feels really close. Everything I want feels really close. Almost every day I am getting flashes of blissful memories of times in my life in which I have felt amazingly free and joy-filled. What’s interesting, and I don’t know what it means, is that most of the memories are from travelling.Like the first time I stepped out of the car at a gas station in Sedona and felt like I’d just walked onto a movie set. The rock is so red, it didn’t seem real! It’s absolutely gorgeous and every time I go there, I am awestruck by Sedona’s deep beauty and inspired to create.

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I also remember driving alone, in my early 20’s, to Arizona on my way to get my Grandma, driving through the Texas panhandle, seeing giant tumbleweeds come rolling across the highway in the darkness of night and feeling like I was in another world. That was my very first trip to Arizona. I get flashes of my first time taking Grandma home from Arizona, driving through the mountains outside of Flagstaff and feeling that heart-pounding excitement of seeing snow-covered mountaintops and log cabins for the first time. I remember the amazing feeling of driving through the Navajo reservation in Arizona. (I feel some incredible connection with Native Americans.)

I remember walking off the plane in Hawaii, in January, having left the Midwest in a blizzard and arrived in a tropical paradise on the same day. I’ve gotten flashes of my first night in Cancun, walking and dancing along the beach, and the soft roar of the ocean. The sand and ocean were just glowing in the moonlight. And I remember, when I was in high school, spending so much time in the barn, out with the horses, and being out so early in the morning horseback riding that I got to watch the sun rise from the back of my horse.

Moonlit Beach w Watermark copy

When I start thinking about all of the places I’ve gotten to see and things I’ve gotten to do, I am filled with joy and gratitude for the immense abundance of amazing moments I’ve collected. And when I write poetry, when I create, and when I feel really connected to the lyrics in a song…I’ve noticed the importance of the little moments. I’ve noticed that when people think back over their lives, it’s the little things that matter most; those little details that spark emotion in us. For me, the sweet smell of hay, the way the leather creaked when I swung into that old Hereford saddle…even the smell of wet saddle blankets just fills me with fond memories of horses from my youth. Even right now, the house may be messy, but there are steaks and potatoes on the grill and three adorable puppies basking in the warm glow of the living room. Every moment there’s something to appreciate…the sun warming your back, a good song on the radio, or even just the senses to experience your own unique, personal interpretation of life. Appreciation for the very breath you’re able to draw. Raw gratitude for all things and experiences.

Last night as I was driving to work, not really wanting to be driving to work, so I put my headphones on and listened to “Free” by the Zac Brown Band. I listened as I cruised under one glowing streetlight to the next; from one stoplight to the next. I listened as the hustle and bustle of cars and people increased as I drew nearer to the heart of town, finally found a place to park, and hopped out to walk several blocks to the bar I work at on the weekends. I listened as I passed person after person and glowing lamp after glowing lamp, past old brownstone buildings, the neon-filled windows of bars, and decorative storefronts. I listened as I lit out across old brick streets and a cool breeze whipped my hair like a flag in the wind. And I listened as I bounded up the steps and through the front doors of the bar. We are just as free, free as we’ll ever be. These moments, when I’m heading to work, when I have do laundry, when I have to spend soooo much time doing things other than what I really want to do, I can feel the raging inferno inside threatening to consume me if I don’t release it into some form of creativity. I know what Zac Brown is talking about. I feel it all the time.

But instead of railing against the invisible brick walls or rattling the bars of the invisible prison I’ve created in my mind by feeding into a succession of thoughts about how all I want to do is be free to create all the time, but I’m not…I’m going to honor that fire in me by finding joy in the now I don’t want; by finding joy in the things that must be done that I don’t want to do. I’m going to honor that fire by opening the door of my heart in every moment for its expansion in my life, no matter what that moment contains. I’m going to keep throwing that door of my heart open, because what if it’s right? What if it’s right that I have to work two jobs as I build my art business? What if it’s right because it’s the path of least resistance to meeting the right person to connect me to something big and wonderful for my business? What if it’s right because I’m going to learn something that will forever change the course of my life in the process? Just…what if it’s right? What if the very thing I hate and don’t want, is actually right and I just need to open my heart to receive it? What if the linchpin for everything that I want exists within the walls of everything that I don’t? 

What if!?

Tonight I have to work. But today I got to write. It isn’t enough. I don’t just want more, I need more. I need more time to create. There’s an urgency roaring within me. I feel like my life depends on it. I don’t just want to create as bad as I want air. I need to create with the same necessity in which I need to breathe. And that is how I know I’m close, I’m so close, to all of my dreams coming true. If I can keep my heart propped open for all of life as it is to be loved, I know all that I love and want will become my life fully. I’m so close. I’m so close! It’s only a matter of openhearted time.

The Purpose of Art: Growing My Business From My Mind Up!

I had to share this post from my art business blog, because it’s just fitting here!

Original Post: http://artbyjmiriam.com/2014/01/22/the-purpose-of-art-growing-my-business-from-the-mind-up/

(It’s a little prettier on http://www.artbyjmiriam.com, but I’m posting it here as well anyway!)

The third time was the charm.

In the past I’d attempted to create my own art business, a few times, and failed. There are a lot of reasons for my previous lack of success and almost all of them had to do with how I think. There were a few areas in which I needed to acquire more business knowledge, or a few other tools and techniques, but for the most part, my belief system about myself and my work is what inhibited me from gaining success.

When I was about 16 I began taking riding lessons from an incredible horse trainer. As I was almost overwhelmed with new knowledge and constant orders being barked as me as I was riding (Figure 8! RIGHT NOW! Tighter Reins! Post! You’re out of rhythm! Work that horse!!!!) though it was challenging, I couldn’t not do it. And as difficult as it was, after about three weeks, I noticed I wasn’t getting yelled at anymore, and I could see and feel my rein and rope handling skills as well as my riding seat had dramatically improved. But I was still nowhere near the level of my trainer, Steve, he was a master horseman.

Of all of the knowledge I gained from this man, I think the most important thing he told me came in a conversation about my frustration with the speed, or lack thereof, my growth as a budding horsewoman. Steve said, “You’ve got to want it as bad as you want air. When you reach that point, you know it’s yours.”

My heart sank when he told me that, because I knew I wasn’t there. I wanted it really, really bad, (I was pretty serious, I’d peppered my wall with Pat Parelli quotes that Steve had highlighted in the book he gave me, and studied them, memorized many of them) but I was also a teenager looking to explore the world and wasn’t really ready to settle my focus on one thing.

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Then came the confusion of having two very strong passions: Parelli Natural Horsemanship (what Steve introduced me to) and Art. I spent years thinking I couldn’t become a certified Parelli instructor, because I’d have to give up art. And I couldn’t just do art, because I wouldn’t be able to have horses in my life at the level I want them to be. So I thought I had to find a way to fuse the two.

So I went to school for Media Communication (Graphic Design, Journalism, etc.). But I discovered through freelance work that I really wasn’t interested in designing things for other people’s businesses. Now what!?

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Now I know, like I know, like I know, that I want to build my own art business. I want absolute, complete, and total creative control over my business and my life. I want to fulfill every creative idea and drive that is born into my mind. And I want to independently pursue my horsemanship at the same time! Why not?

Why not!?

Where do we get the idea that we can’t have both? It’s blasphemy. We can absolutely have our cake and eat it too. And that’s what I’m doing now. I’m listening to what I feel called toward, and following that no matter what. Guess what happens when you stop resisting your true self…yep, the whole world begins to open up to you in unimaginable ways! Guess what else happens when you stop resisting yourself…you finally discover the passion and desire so deep that you find the things you want as bad as you want air. Once you get a whiff of that kind of fire, meaning starts pouring into your life. Excitement starts pouring into your life. Purpose starts pouring into your life, the greatest purpose, of which, is the discovery of pure joy.

The purpose of life is joy and joy is found in service. We are hardwired for connection with others. I used to have a difficult time with the “joy is found in service” idea, until I realized, you really must pursue what you’re called towards and once you discover that deep-seated passion and desire, then you have found your form of service to mankind. It’s not about forcing yourself to do duties you think you should do to be a good person. It’s about answering the call, which is unique to each person, and giving yourself to your passion, which in turn gives to others.

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Always listen to the inner voice, which requires stillness and quiet to hear. Your inner voice whispers first, knocks second, and then, like an acme cartoon, drops the piano on your head from ten stories above. Life is easy when you listen for the whispers and act on those. And life is difficult when you do not hear your own voice.

I ignored the voice that whispered the great importance of my art and my pursuit of natural horsemanship as much as I could in the first 12 years after high school. I would pursue each one individually and in depth for a while, then I’d turn towards the other. I could never fully let either one go. But I felt like I couldn’t fully grab on to each one at the same time. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I didn’t know I wasn’t even allowing myself to dream big. The thought, “Oh it would be nice to own my own art business and just work from home in a studio creating art and spend my spare time studying natural horsemanship,” would come across my mind and be immediately dismissed as a silly impossibility–for years!

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Even more ridiculous, based on what a few people said to me in high school, I formed a limiting belief that artists don’t make money and art cannot be a real career. Not only is that not true, read Daniel Pink’s A Whole New Mind–Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future. There has never been a more important time in he history of the planet to be creative! In the day and age of outsourcing and digitizing jobs, creativity is in demand! I have also had the opportunity to meet and admire highly, highly, highly successful artists over the years. So what is the purpose of art and why is it so incredibly valuable?

Art expresses emotions in ways words cannot. It is the language of the soul. I also now see the entire world as art. Art is design. Everything we see, taste, touch, smell, and feel has a design to it. Nature has a design. Furniture has a design. Cars have a design. Food has a design. Advertisements have a design. We are living in a time in which, for the most part, we are past just trying to survive. We are looking for better ways to express, communicate, and experience the elements of life. So, we need creative thinkers! And for those trying to help the less fortunate, including the bottom billion, we need out-of-the-box thinkers and designers as well. For that, we turn to creative people. Who are stereo-typically the most creative people on the planet? Artists!

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So my 10+ years of wandering through the wilderness of my own limiting beliefs ultimately led to the shattering of those limiting beliefs. Not only is art important, but the world is in desperate need of artists. Not only is working from home a plausible reality, but today the world is filled with thriving home businesses. Not only can artists have very successful careers, but they can, and do, have wildly successful, life-long careers. Not only do I not have to choose between my passion for art and my passion for natural horsemanship, but I can equally pursue greatness in both of these loves. And last, but not least, I have the ability to create and live any kind of life I want to have. I am good enough, I am worthy of having all I want. All I have to do is begin!

All any of us have to do is begin!

And it begins with gratitude.

This is from a different day, but I'm always fulfilled when I'm with my horses!

This is from a different day, but I’m always fulfilled when I’m with my horses!

Monday, when I went out to feed my horses, I didn’t just look around at the countryside I was driving through it on my way to their pasture; I devoured the subtle beauty with my eyes. The light was amazing! The sky was filled with dark and light. Dark clouds and shadows, which became darker when the sun peeked through the clouds and shone down like brilliant spotlights, setting the yellow and brown grasses over the rolling hills aglow against a stormy backdrop. It was incredible.

Then, after I got done strewing multiple square bales about the pasture for my horses’ grazing pleasure, I sat and watched the ever-changing light show dotting the hillsides amidst the serenity of three quietly grazing horses. My eyes were just feasting on the beauty and awe of it all! As I waited for the water tank to fill, I laid on my back and watched the soft, slow rush of the clouds overhead, blending together, separating, and blending together again. Dark clouds, light clouds, and the deepest blue sky. I spent that afternoon lost in wonderment and filled with so much gratitude for everything in my life, good and bad, that led to that moment.

Love seeing the world through my horse's mane.

Love seeing the world through my horse’s mane.

It’s these moments of bliss that spark the greatest clarity and creativity in my life. I take these feelings and ideas together and translate them into artwork. The purpose of artwork is to express emotion, to spark some feeling of recognition in someone’s soul, and by that I mean many things, including something as simple as seeing a piece of artwork and thinking “I love that, I want that!” That magnetic pull towards something that is just desirable to look at, because it cultivates good or powerful feelings in you. That’s what artwork does. It can’t necessarily be explained with words, but things do matter. What you surround yourself with in your home or office or wherever you work, matters. Paintings matter. Sculptures matter. All artwork matters, and it matters a great deal.

Bono says, “Music can change the temperature of a room.” I think all art can do that. I believe the basis of the universe is energy and therefore, artwork is energy too. It’s amazing how hanging something on wall can change a room.

So, my mission statement is to create artwork that promotes the cultivation of freedom, expansion and joy. You could say, I really want to get my art out there and change the temperature of some rooms! And I believe it will!

I have reached that place in which want to create great art as bad as I want air. It feels like coming home. Before I finish one project, I’m dreaming up ways to do the next one better. This drive to do things better and better used to bum me out, and stop me in my tracks, but now it’s exciting! Now I understand that expansion is just part of the fabric of life. You cannot experience life without forming a desire to do better. It’s a fundamental part of the human experience, and once you get on board with it, it’s also a recipe for achieving great success!

So my business is growing from my mind up. It’s growing from my inside out. My life is filled with meaning and purpose. My artwork is filled with meaning and purpose, because all of it is born out of my own personal love and drive to create it. I’m in hot pursuit of creating the life I’ve always wanted!

Pursuing my business and my horsemanship goals 1000% is like suiting up to climb the tallest mountain on the planet, getting all my climbing  gear strapped on, and taking that first step up. The flood of excitement, joy, and peace of just not resisting my desire to climb that mountain–I don’t think it can adequately be put into words.

Just the combination of realizing what I really, really, really want, and moving towards it, I wish that for everyone! I want that for everyone!

And so here I go, full of excitement, and a little fear, but looking forward to the journey to the top of the mountain. I’m looking forward to sharing that journey up the mountain with you and, if you haven’t already begun, I hope you feel inspired to begin your own mountain climb as well.

After all, life was always meant to be fun and the darkness was always meant to more brilliantly reveal to you the light!

Sharing my first post for ART by Jaclyn Miriam!

Since I moved The Art of Life back here to wordpress.com, I thought I’d share my first post on my new blog ART by Jaclyn Miriam, which I will continue writing at artbyjmiriam.com. For those interested in my artwork, this blog is dedicated to creating art and my art projects for Art by Jaclyn Miriam!

Enjoy!

http://artbyjmiriam.com/art-by-jaclyn-miriam-blog/

Just As Free, Free As We’ll Ever Be

I must be revving up for some massive expansion, because the past couple of days I have just had the most hellacious time internally. Externally I can see the beauty in the world, I can see the goodness, but inside I have just been a train wreck? Why? I’m not entirely sure. I have to be gearing up for some massive expansion.

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I took this picture on my way to Pagosa Springs in September with my good friend Nikki. That trip launched a great deal of expansion within me!

And that makes sense. I’ve been working Jack Canfield’s Success Principles in coordination with all of my past Law of Attraction study and I’ve set some lofty goals for my art business that are REALLY exciting…and a little scary and frustrating, and exciting, and frustrating, did I mention frustrating!? Growth and expansion on the level of, the intensity of, my desire calls for radical personal transformation. It calls for expending more energy, for wasting less time, it calls for an immense amount of ACTION regardless of how many hours I work, or how many extra messes the dogs make, or whether or not the stock tank is frozen in a block of ice and I have to stop and figure out how to make sure my horses get water. After all, I am an  ARTIST first and foremost. I am an artist and a business owner with a job tending bar second. I am an artist and a business owner with responsibilities to my animals and typical chores to do in caring for my home. However, initially, upping the ante with my art business has proved to be difficult, challenging, and frustrating as I add a massive amount of work into an already pretty full schedule, with three dogs following me from room to room, under my feet, and demanding the same amount of love and attention they’re used to receiving from me. Thank goodness there are no two-legged children in the picture yet!

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Coming down Wolf Creek Pass, as C.W. McCall so eloquently puts it, “Well, from there on down it just wasn’t real purdy: it was hairpin county and switchback city…Wolf Creek Pass, way up on the Great Divide
Truckin’ on down the other side
Wolf Creek Pass, way up on the Great Divide
Truckin’ on down the other side”

This morning I shut myself in the bathroom and cried, just out of feeling so far out of alignment with who and where I want to be. Just not feeling the freedom to be and do and have everything the greater part of me knows I have ALL of the freedom to be and do and have everything I want. I just wasn’t feeling it. I wasn’t feeling FREE. I started repeating that I didn’t feel free, but that I wanted to feel free. And then a piece of a song popped into my head. I remember Wayne Dyer talking about listening to the words of a song that pops into your head. Sometimes I think maybe a song is just in my head, because I heard it earlier. But in this case, I had not. It was the line from the Zac Brown Band song, Free; “Just as free, Free as we’ll ever be.” I feel like this was a direct message loud and clear stating that we are ALWAYS free and that at that moment and every moment, I am as free as I’ll ever be, as all of us are. We are born with the free will to create whatever desire in this world. Freedom is our birthright.

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Something else came to mind, this time from an Abraham-Hicks recording. Abraham was talking about how we have access to wisdom of the nonphysical everywhere at every moment. There was an example given of a struggling artist. Abraham said, “There are literally thousands of dead guys, thousands of artists, who would love to help you paint, but you never ask for them!” I’d never thought of it that way, and at that point in time, I clearly needed a little help. So I said, wiping my tear-smeared face from my temporary detour into loss of self-worth, self-esteem, and faith, “Calling all dead artists, come and co-create with me, co-create with me, co-create with me! I want to make something wonderful with you!” I felt better.

Then I had to head out to a lunch, a work meeting of sorts. I knew I had to change my attitude. So on the drive to the lunch I said over and over, “I am co-creating with the universe, I am allowing, I am co-creating with the power that creates worlds, I am in a state of allowing.” And I just kept repeating all different versions of these sentences, affirming, re-affirming, and re-affirming. I had a great lunch with my co-workers and we had a great discussion about plans for the bar, including some artistic involvement from me, which I’m looking forward to. Then, as a deacon, I was supposed to deliver two poinsettias to some grand old ladies of the church and I’d completely forgotten about it, but as I was leaving the meeting, I remembered and felt inspired to drive to the church and deliver the poinsettias. So I did. And I just felt in the flow. It was an easy, peaceful drive to deliver the poinsettias, but before I left the church, I downloaded the Zac Brown Band songs Free, and Colder Weather. I have some powerful connection to both of those songs.

One night recently, the song Colder Weather was repeating in my head over and over. I think Jordan and I had heard it that day, because we kept humming/singing parts of it all day. But the way it was stuck in my head was something unique. A few weeks or so before I fell into a sort of obsession with this song, I was tending bar and someone (wish I could remember who!!!) was telling me that he knew the band and was there when they wrote the line “At a truck stop diner just outside of Lincoln, The night as black as the coffee he was drinkin’, And in the waitress’ eyes he sees the same ol’ light a shinin’, He thinks of Colorado and the girl he left behind him.” I remember thinking wow, that is so cool, then as he talked about I realized…wait a minute, that has to be the truck stop just a few miles from my place, that’s pretty cool! (Plus I’m obsessed with moving to Colorado and the song was written the year I spent a summer in Colorado, love it!) I knew the song, but I didn’t really know the song, if you know what I mean. I hope I get a chance to talk to whoever that was again, because I researched the meaning behind the song, but he had so much more information about it. I hope I get the chance to pick his brain again! I don’t know what my crazy new connection is with the Zac Brown Band, but I’m definitely enjoying the feeling that this music is being used to speak to me.

Anyway, back to my day yesterday, as I was getting ready for work, I was thinking about the workshop I’m leading at the annual Women’s Retreat at my church. It’s title, “The Law of Attraction: How we create our own lives and realize dreams.” And I started thinking, wow, I’m leading a workshop on the Law of Attraction on Saturday and for the better part of this week, I have SUCKED at Law of Attraction! I mean, I know how it works, and still managed to create all sorts of events and emotions I didn’t want. Thankfully all of my work-related and duty-related responsibilities, I was able to right my thinking for, but for my own business, my art, and my home, I fell apart. For example, late last night I got home, was feeling pretty good from work, and opened the door to the biggest disaster I’ve ever seen the dogs create. I’d re-potted a bunch of plants, discarded all the herbs that didn’t make it, and left all of these plant and soil leftovers in a huge garbage bag that I was going to take outside. But I’d forgotten. And the dogs had torn into and smeared it all around the living room/dining room. At first I was in shock, disbelief. It was a truly spectacular mess! And then after I sat for a moment, I let the dogs out and began sweeping…and sweeping…and sweeping. An hour later I finished cleaning up the mess.

The best and the worst part is, I KNOW I did this. I know I created this. I know the emotions I was harboring were toxic and negative, and attracted things into my life that I did not want. I had the slowest Thursday night at the bar I’ve ever had and the dogs made the biggest mess they’ve ever made. There were numerous other little things that went wrong at home as well. I understand that my focus with negative emotions was held long enough to draw some negative things into my life, in the places I’ve been struggling with the most. The good thing is that I know I did, so I know I can draw good things as well. The other good thing is that when something bad or unwanted happens, it lights an even bigger fire under the things you do want. And that has happened to me.

I know things went wrong this week, but today is a new day. I know I created things in my life I did not want, but today is a chance to create what I do want. I have a lovely presentation to refine on the principles of the Law of Attraction and now I have some new examples if I so need them. I have thought, as I have been working on this presentation, what right do I really have to do this? What qualifications do I have? And then I thought, well, I’m human. I’ve been passionately studying this for quite some time. I know the law very well, and you don’t have to be an enlightened master to gain an understanding of how this universal law works. And I want EVERYONE to, at the very least, gain enough understanding of how this works to be able to begin deliberately creating in their own lives. Empowering others would be a very nice bonus to having learned how to empower myself!

As I placed some of my favorite pictures from Colorado in the post, I was reminded of how focused I was on making this trip happen. It was a sort of unparalleled focus, like the kind I had when I first planned my 2009 two-month education vacation at the Parelli Ranch in Pagosa Springs. When you have a dream big enough that it demands so much focus from you to make it happen that you cannot be distracted…that’s when you can stand with unwavering faith in your authentic power. That’s where I have to get to and stay with my art business goals. I temporarily lost that excitement I had when I made the goals at the end of December. I need to do whatever it takes to stay in vibrational harmony with my dreams, in that high-vibing excitement of getting ready to go on an amazing trip, or that high-vibing excitement of getting in the state of having realized dreams. Being the visual person I am, I am thinking more and more about utilizing Mind Movies to keep me in that high-flying, I’m-Not-Coming-Down, vibrational state that manifests dreams into touch-it, taste-it, smell-it, reality…more on that in the next post!

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Coming into Pagosa Springs, Colorado, we were greeted with such gorgeous scenery, of which cattle grazing at the base of the mountains is one of my favorite. Pagosa Springs, my future home!