Say No To Good, Say Yes To Great

Good is good, but it’s not GREAT. As I move into a greater state of allowing in my life, many good options keep presenting themselves. But I don’t want to do what I like, I want to do what I LOVE. I want GREAT.

I want to sleep, eat, breathe art and horses.

I just had an epiphany yesterday regarding the Law of Attraction. Many times I’ve heard “think of yourself as a magnet” but this time it was different. In listening to one of Jack Canfield’s coaches use this analogy, the coach said, “When your thinking is positive and you’re focused on your goals and dreams, the magnet that you are is a magnetic match to your goals and dreams, so they can connect But when you’re focused on something positive while your thinking is negative, it’s like trying to put together two magnets that don’t match. They can’t connect.”  It’s just a different way of explaining that you have to become a vibrational match to what you desire, as Abraham-Hicks teaches.

Something else came to mind as I entertained the idea of myself as a magnet. The negative thoughts that aren’t a match to my desire; they are a match to negative experiences. So in thinking of all the things I do to vibrationally line up with what I really want–the affirmations, the thought shifting, the meditations–I suddenly realized that all the negative thought practices I do is working to line me up with things I don’t want. And when I worry about anything, I’m practicing manifesting negative experiences, because those thoughts cannot match me up with what I do want, even if I’m focused on what I do want while I’m worrying or stressing. As Abraham-Hicks says, “When you tell the universe what you want, it only hears what you really mean.” Another way of saying this is, your words do not matter. The universe responds to how you feel. The universe only responds to energy or vibration. And if you state what you want while simultaneously thinking negative thoughts, the universe is only going to hear and respond to the negative energy your negative thoughts are creating.

Phew!

This also brought to mind something I’ve heard Marianne Williamson say many times; there is no such thing as a neutral thought. So, you are either moving in the direction of your hopes and dreams or you’re moving away from them. There is no in between. But this is perfect. There is nothing to be feared about veering off course, because doing a little mental/emotional off-roading only serves to help you discover with greater clarity what it is that you really want–a clarity you may not have been able to reach without tasting the things that don’t taste good. Abraham-Hicks uses the metaphor of life as a buffet, which I love. When you go to a buffet, you don’t choose all of the foods that you have tried and know don’t taste good to you. No, you heap the things you know you really like onto your plate. But you don’t do the same with your thoughts. You think thoughts that make you feel bad, and even though you know they make you feel bad, you continue to think them. So the goal now is to become as picky about choosing your thoughts as you are when choosing the variety of foods to pile onto your plate at a buffet. Life is sort of like a buffet and the purpose of life is taste all things that are truly delicious to you. Close your eyes. Breathe deeply. Ask yourself, what is truly delicious in the future? Focus on the feeling of experiencing what you’re wanting. Go there in the mind and you will most certainly reach that space in the body.

I have not been sick lately, but my body has acquired a nasty cold, which has been with me for over a week now. I’ve noticed the separation between my body and spirit, because even while I felt myself in the bleary haze of one of the worst sinus headaches I’ve ever experienced, and even though I felt encompassed in an even greater fog of extreme pain when my sinus headache joined forces with all the symptoms of a tension headache, as muscle aches and misery ensued, I found that I felt clarity about what I wanted. I felt clarity about seeking the seeing of beauty around me. I felt clarity about growing my art business. I felt clarity about saving for a photonic therapy red light verses pursuing a band aid solution to aches and pains through chiropractor and acupuncture visits or pain medications. Despite the condition of my body, I found that I could still have clarity of mind even while my head was hurting so much, which I found interesting.

So in this miserable fuzz I managed to draw amazing experiences into my life. Before I got sick, I had been exploring the idea of joining one of Jack Canfield’s coaching programs. All of the miraculous components came together for me to join and so I did. I also made the decision to celebrate Lent by beginning a daily yoga practice. So far so good! I’m looking forward to seeing what other blessings life has in store for me!

Sleep, eat, breathe art and horses, here I come.

One of my favorite spotlights at the Parelli Performance Summit in 2013 and I absolutely love those mountains in the background!

The Purpose of Art: Growing My Business From My Mind Up!

I had to share this post from my art business blog, because it’s just fitting here!

Original Post: http://artbyjmiriam.com/2014/01/22/the-purpose-of-art-growing-my-business-from-the-mind-up/

(It’s a little prettier on http://www.artbyjmiriam.com, but I’m posting it here as well anyway!)

The third time was the charm.

In the past I’d attempted to create my own art business, a few times, and failed. There are a lot of reasons for my previous lack of success and almost all of them had to do with how I think. There were a few areas in which I needed to acquire more business knowledge, or a few other tools and techniques, but for the most part, my belief system about myself and my work is what inhibited me from gaining success.

When I was about 16 I began taking riding lessons from an incredible horse trainer. As I was almost overwhelmed with new knowledge and constant orders being barked as me as I was riding (Figure 8! RIGHT NOW! Tighter Reins! Post! You’re out of rhythm! Work that horse!!!!) though it was challenging, I couldn’t not do it. And as difficult as it was, after about three weeks, I noticed I wasn’t getting yelled at anymore, and I could see and feel my rein and rope handling skills as well as my riding seat had dramatically improved. But I was still nowhere near the level of my trainer, Steve, he was a master horseman.

Of all of the knowledge I gained from this man, I think the most important thing he told me came in a conversation about my frustration with the speed, or lack thereof, my growth as a budding horsewoman. Steve said, “You’ve got to want it as bad as you want air. When you reach that point, you know it’s yours.”

My heart sank when he told me that, because I knew I wasn’t there. I wanted it really, really bad, (I was pretty serious, I’d peppered my wall with Pat Parelli quotes that Steve had highlighted in the book he gave me, and studied them, memorized many of them) but I was also a teenager looking to explore the world and wasn’t really ready to settle my focus on one thing.

Then came the confusion of having two very strong passions: Parelli Natural Horsemanship (what Steve introduced me to) and Art. I spent years thinking I couldn’t become a certified Parelli instructor, because I’d have to give up art. And I couldn’t just do art, because I wouldn’t be able to have horses in my life at the level I want them to be. So I thought I had to find a way to fuse the two.

So I went to school for Media Communication (Graphic Design, Journalism, etc.). But I discovered through freelance work that I really wasn’t interested in designing things for other people’s businesses. Now what!?

Now I know, like I know, like I know, that I want to build my own art business. I want absolute, complete, and total creative control over my business and my life. I want to fulfill every creative idea and drive that is born into my mind. And I want to independently pursue my horsemanship at the same time! Why not?

Why not!?

Where do we get the idea that we can’t have both? It’s blasphemy. We can absolutely have our cake and eat it too. And that’s what I’m doing now. I’m listening to what I feel called toward, and following that no matter what. Guess what happens when you stop resisting your true self…yep, the whole world begins to open up to you in unimaginable ways! Guess what else happens when you stop resisting yourself…you finally discover the passion and desire so deep that you find the things you want as bad as you want air. Once you get a whiff of that kind of fire, meaning starts pouring into your life. Excitement starts pouring into your life. Purpose starts pouring into your life, the greatest purpose, of which, is the discovery of pure joy.

The purpose of life is joy and joy is found in service. We are hardwired for connection with others. I used to have a difficult time with the “joy is found in service” idea, until I realized, you really must pursue what you’re called towards and once you discover that deep-seated passion and desire, then you have found your form of service to mankind. It’s not about forcing yourself to do duties you think you should do to be a good person. It’s about answering the call, which is unique to each person, and giving yourself to your passion, which in turn gives to others.

Always listen to the inner voice, which requires stillness and quiet to hear. Your inner voice whispers first, knocks second, and then, like an acme cartoon, drops the piano on your head from ten stories above. Life is easy when you listen for the whispers and act on those. And life is difficult when you do not hear your own voice.

I ignored the voice that whispered the great importance of my art and my pursuit of natural horsemanship as much as I could in the first 12 years after high school. I would pursue each one individually and in depth for a while, then I’d turn towards the other. I could never fully let either one go. But I felt like I couldn’t fully grab on to each one at the same time. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I didn’t know I wasn’t even allowing myself to dream big. The thought, “Oh it would be nice to own my own art business and just work from home in a studio creating art and spend my spare time studying natural horsemanship,” would come across my mind and be immediately dismissed as a silly impossibility–for years!

Even more ridiculous, based on what a few people said to me in high school, I formed a limiting belief that artists don’t make money and art cannot be a real career. Not only is that not true, read Daniel Pink’s A Whole New Mind–Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future. There has never been a more important time in he history of the planet to be creative! In the day and age of outsourcing and digitizing jobs, creativity is in demand! I have also had the opportunity to meet and admire highly, highly, highly successful artists over the years. So what is the purpose of art and why is it so incredibly valuable?

Art expresses emotions in ways words cannot. It is the language of the soul. I also now see the entire world as art. Art is design. Everything we see, taste, touch, smell, and feel has a design to it. Nature has a design. Furniture has a design. Cars have a design. Food has a design. Advertisements have a design. We are living in a time in which, for the most part, we are past just trying to survive. We are looking for better ways to express, communicate, and experience the elements of life. So, we need creative thinkers! And for those trying to help the less fortunate, including the bottom billion, we need out-of-the-box thinkers and designers as well. For that, we turn to creative people. Who are stereo-typically the most creative people on the planet? Artists!

So my 10+ years of wandering through the wilderness of my own limiting beliefs ultimately led to the shattering of those limiting beliefs. Not only is art important, but the world is in desperate need of artists. Not only is working from home a plausible reality, but today the world is filled with thriving home businesses. Not only can artists have very successful careers, but they can, and do, have wildly successful, life-long careers. Not only do I not have to choose between my passion for art and my passion for natural horsemanship, but I can equally pursue greatness in both of these loves. And last, but not least, I have the ability to create and live any kind of life I want to have. I am good enough, I am worthy of having all I want. All I have to do is begin!

All any of us have to do is begin!

And it begins with gratitude.

This is from a different day, but I’m always fulfilled when I’m with my horses!

Monday, when I went out to feed my horses, I didn’t just look around at the countryside I was driving through it on my way to their pasture; I devoured the subtle beauty with my eyes. The light was amazing! The sky was filled with dark and light. Dark clouds and shadows, which became darker when the sun peeked through the clouds and shone down like brilliant spotlights, setting the yellow and brown grasses over the rolling hills aglow against a stormy backdrop. It was incredible.

Then, after I got done strewing multiple square bales about the pasture for my horses’ grazing pleasure, I sat and watched the ever-changing light show dotting the hillsides amidst the serenity of three quietly grazing horses. My eyes were just feasting on the beauty and awe of it all! As I waited for the water tank to fill, I laid on my back and watched the soft, slow rush of the clouds overhead, blending together, separating, and blending together again. Dark clouds, light clouds, and the deepest blue sky. I spent that afternoon lost in wonderment and filled with so much gratitude for everything in my life, good and bad, that led to that moment.

Love seeing the world through my horse’s mane.

It’s these moments of bliss that spark the greatest clarity and creativity in my life. I take these feelings and ideas together and translate them into artwork. The purpose of artwork is to express emotion, to spark some feeling of recognition in someone’s soul, and by that I mean many things, including something as simple as seeing a piece of artwork and thinking “I love that, I want that!” That magnetic pull towards something that is just desirable to look at, because it cultivates good or powerful feelings in you. That’s what artwork does. It can’t necessarily be explained with words, but things do matter. What you surround yourself with in your home or office or wherever you work, matters. Paintings matter. Sculptures matter. All artwork matters, and it matters a great deal.

Bono says, “Music can change the temperature of a room.” I think all art can do that. I believe the basis of the universe is energy and therefore, artwork is energy too. It’s amazing how hanging something on wall can change a room.

So, my mission statement is to create artwork that promotes the cultivation of freedom, expansion and joy. You could say, I really want to get my art out there and change the temperature of some rooms! And I believe it will!

I have reached that place in which want to create great art as bad as I want air. It feels like coming home. Before I finish one project, I’m dreaming up ways to do the next one better. This drive to do things better and better used to bum me out, and stop me in my tracks, but now it’s exciting! Now I understand that expansion is just part of the fabric of life. You cannot experience life without forming a desire to do better. It’s a fundamental part of the human experience, and once you get on board with it, it’s also a recipe for achieving great success!

So my business is growing from my mind up. It’s growing from my inside out. My life is filled with meaning and purpose. My artwork is filled with meaning and purpose, because all of it is born out of my own personal love and drive to create it. I’m in hot pursuit of creating the life I’ve always wanted!

Pursuing my business and my horsemanship goals 1000% is like suiting up to climb the tallest mountain on the planet, getting all my climbing  gear strapped on, and taking that first step up. The flood of excitement, joy, and peace of just not resisting my desire to climb that mountain–I don’t think it can adequately be put into words.

Just the combination of realizing what I really, really, really want, and moving towards it, I wish that for everyone! I want that for everyone!

And so here I go, full of excitement, and a little fear, but looking forward to the journey to the top of the mountain. I’m looking forward to sharing that journey up the mountain with you and, if you haven’t already begun, I hope you feel inspired to begin your own mountain climb as well.

After all, life was always meant to be fun and the darkness was always meant to more brilliantly reveal to you the light!

From Creating Buttons to Castles: The Joy of Living by Feeling for Desire

The only thing more delicious than having a desire is realizing it’s manifestation in your life. Since I began studying the Law of Attraction this past spring, I have been slowly uncovering my ability to draw into my life everything that I desire. What began as a profound revelation has led to the passionate study of the Law of Attraction and a desire to one day use the knowledge I’m acquiring to teach others how to live their best lives. Until I’m more advanced, however, I will share my journey of discovery through my writing and my art!

It began with lots of little things. First, I felt a desire to bring Parelli Natural Horsemanship into the forefront of my life again, and became a volunteer at the Des Moines, IA tour stop. While there I launched a rocket of desire for new boots, a bosal (bitless bridle), and a bridle. In two weeks, I’d acquired all three.

The Boots:

Last year I ran my mom’s best friend’s business here in Lincoln, doing markets and selling her AMAZING vintage finds and re-purposed creations. She came back to town shortly after my stint as a Parelli volunteer and went out with my boyfriend and I for a fun-filled night on the town. However, she forgot her sunglasses. The next day, Sunday afternoon I returned them to her and saw some boots she had for sale. As I waited for her, I tried them on, and they were a perfect fit. She came back and asked if I wanted them and having just come back from the weekend Parelli tour stop + Memorial Weekend in Pagosa Springs, Colorado, I thought nah, I don’t need to be buying boots. Then I asked if she needed help loading the truck. Her response was, “If you help me load the truck, I’ll GIVE you those boots!” And so they were mine!

The Bridle and Bosal:

My boyfriend and I LOVE Vintage Village here in Lincoln. It’s a huge place with a maze of tons of awesome vintage things. We were making our way through the place, just enjoying looking at everything, and gradually we made our way back to the front probably about 30-45 minutes later. I walk back through an area up front I’d already gone through and saw a box I didn’t remember seeing sort of tucked under a shelf with what appeared to be horse-related items. I knelt down, pulled the box out, and found what looked like a brand new leather bridle with long leather reins (like I like) and a perfect bosal with slightly worn leather (like I’d long admired in Western Horseman pics). They were priced $25 each. I took them to the front to buy them, hardly believing my luck, and said, “Wow, I don’t know how I missed these my first time around.” And the guy at the register, the owner of Vintage Village (who we adore) laughed and said, “That’s because they just came in while you were in the back!” Thank you Universe!

I could go on and on with stories of things I’ve desired and watched come to me so quickly since I began consciously creating on purpose. I would warn you all to be careful though, because really appreciating something can bring accidental manifestations, like the night I spent ooooing and ahhhing over cute puppy pictures only to have my boyfriend bring home a puppy he found out in the country five days later. Oops! I need to be careful with my desires, because a great appreciation for something is probably the most powerful way to draw something into your life! Strong appreciation is the same as lining up with the vibration of something you desire while in a pure state of allowing. Not long after the new puppy came into the picture I heard Jerry Hicks talking about how he felt he’d drawn  more things to him through appreciation than any other way. Interesting, I thought. Becoming more conscious of how you create your life is truly a gift, but as your consciousness raises, you may discover manifestations you created and didn’t mean to. However, what a great lesson to increase your consciousness in life and that which you are creating in the here and now.

Note the Heeler coloring. I was looking at Heeler and Heeler Mix puppies. Yeah. Oops. But look how cute he is!

Abraham (Abraham-Hicks) says it’s as easy to create a castle as it is a button. A Course in Miracles says that there is no order of difficulty in miracles. This is for sure a truth, as is the fact that the basis of the universe is vibration. Beyond atoms, everything in the universe is energy. Everything is vibrating. And so, as my faith in my ability to manifest whatever I desire increases, I am allowing myself to fully feel more and greater desires. I am on a journey of moving from creating buttons to castles. And my conscious creations are expanding to “bigger” things. The quickest way to begin creating bigger things is to not see them as bigger things. And when you reach vibrational alignment with your “bigger” desires, they don’t feel big anymore. They feel like the next logical step…

The beautiful Hot Jazz, being ridden by Linda Parelli.

Like returning to Pagosa Springs for the Parelli Performance Summit. I had convinced myself there was no way I could go, but when my friend Nikki invited me, I felt the desire to go. STRONG. But I knew my boyfriend and I also had a big trip to Seattle coming up that nothing could interfere with. However, the strong desire to go to the Parelli Performance Summit forced clarity into my life. In addition to my art business, I had been looking for a job for several months, because in addition to the expenses involved in creating and running an art business, I have three horses that live six hours away in another state that I desperately want to move to where I am, and if that’s not enough, my boyfriend and I also had that very important wedding to attend the following weekend after the summit in Seattle.

So I gave up the fruitless search for a job that paid very well, that I would probably greatly dislike, and launched a rocket of desire for work that allowed me the freedom to make these trips, with kind employers, doing something I didn’t hate. Within 24 hours I found part time job tending bar, which I truly enjoy, and  part time job on a vegetable/flower farm that has been a mutual blessing for both myself and the farm owners. In addition, both jobs have been a surprise blessing to my art business in multiple ways from all the free flowers I’m pressing to add into paintings as well as conversation sparking interest in commission drawings. Also, the plethora of free organic vegetables has been amazingly wonderful. Together, these jobs make for full time hours, but I’m still a full time artist as well. I don’t see myself as a bartender and an organic farm worker who does artwork. I see myself as an artist that is literally enjoying the fruits of labor on a farm as well as the conversation and community within the walls of a local bar. And I see myself as an artist already on the path to creating bigger and bigger “castles” as other desires I’ve set in motion are beginning to unfold as well. Those “castles” will remain my secret for now, but you can count on me to eventually, and gleefully, write about their manifestation 😉

Side Note: The generosity of local farmers is staggering, so I want to encourage everyone to support the people that are growing the best chemical-free food in their areas! Many people mistakenly think organic food is more expensive. That’s simply not true. Supporting local farmers not only supports the cultivation of the healthiest food you can ever acquire in your area, but it also supports local economy, local business. Also, eating the freshest, chemical-free food around not only tastes better, but it’s better for you, and definitely cheaper than treating cancer!

The Parelli Performance Summit:

My hero, Linda Parelli, riding the gorgeous Hot Jazz! *INSPIRED*

I really do need to dedicate an entire post to this experience, however, for this post I’ll tell a little manifestation story to follow up my story of finding my new jobs. When the day came to purchase a round trip ticket to Denver, the tickets came up as $422. That was a little more than double what they had been and I had no interest in spending that kind of money on plane tickets. I didn’t even want to spend that much on the trip as a whole! I just wanted to see my friend Nikki, whom I hadn’t seen in four years, and immerse myself in horsemanship, the great friendship of a kindred spirit, the beauty of Pagosa Springs, and let my art sales pave the way!

If you’re an avid Abraham-Hicks fan, you know Jerry Hicks had a love of seeing 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, etc. and used to wake Esther up all through the night when he’d awakened to seeing these times. Well that morning I looked at the clock and saw 11:11 and  thought, “WOW! That’s the best one!” And I thought I must feeling a great connection with Source this particular morning. So I launched a rocket of desire for a plane ticket $200 or less by 3p.m. that day. An hour later I found one for $113 and booked the trip. Needless to say, I got everything I could’ve wanted out of the trip and MORE! When you follow your heart’s desires, you always get back even more than you asked for, because when you line up with Source, there is no end to the ways the Universe can surprise and delight you!

But the rest of the exciting connections I made on this wonderful trip with my great friend, I will reveal in some future posts. Let’s just say I’m VERY excited and none of these things would’ve been possible without making this trip!

So I wanted to share some details of my journey exploring the teachings of Law of Attraction in my own life so as I continue writing about them, hopefully others will be moved and inspired to begin practicing being deliberate creators in their own lives! My wish is for everyone to discover how to not only live their best lives, but how to purposely create their best lives!

To ALL, have a blessed day!

 

The Evolution of My Art

August and September have been a couple of whirlwind months for me! My friend Nikki, who I hadn’t seen since we parted ways at the end of the Becoming a Horseman 8-week course at the Parelli Ranch in 2009, won tickets to this year’s  annual Parelli Performance Summit. She graciously offered a free ticket to me, offered to pick me up at the airport in Denver, drive us to Pagosa Springs, and share a hotel for the weekend. Let’s see…a free ticket to a weekend of Parelli Natural Horsemanship, at the SOURCE, in my favorite place in the world, Pagosa Springs, Colorado…it was really a no-brainer.

The trip came together with perfect timing. I had really been feeling a pull to do more custom drawings, so I began marketing my custom fine detail charcoal drawings, beginning about a week before my trip to Colorado. The response has been excellent, and this is a part of my business I will continue to grow and develop over time in addition to all of the ever-changing artistic creations I continue to explore. In order to keep myself satisfied as an artist, I need both the freedom of being able to explore whatever projects or ideas I feel a desire to create as well as the consistency of offering custom fine detail drawings indefinitely. It is so much fun to explore life and refine my business as I discover all the things I like and don’t like through artistic expression.

This is the flyer I created and distributed at the Parelli Summit a few weeks ago and locally.

I have to say that I spent the entire weekend at the Parelli Summit inspired and absolutely flooded with love and joy. I sat in the front row taking in all the wonderful elements of natural horsemanship: the relationship between horse and human, the love and communication between horse and human, the breath-taking displays of horsemanship with the most incredible mountain views in the background…it makes my heart pound just thinking about it! I know without a doubt that I have this intrinsic pull towards both Parelli Natural Horsemanship and Pagosa Springs, Colorado itself. I don’t know how it will all come together, but I SO look forward to the unfolding! I believe that my art will somehow be the string that ties all of my passions together!

Heart-pounding, breath-taking, the mountains surrounding Pagosa Springs!

Horses, Natural Horsemanship, Nature, Natural Healing, Animals, Spiritual Studies, Law of Attraction Studies–these are my passions and all make their way into my artwork. This is evolving as I dream up new ways to incorporate nature into my artwork. I’m pressing flowers, drying flower petals, saving interesting leaves and grasses, collecting desert and beach sand, and the list goes on. I love mixing nature into my painting and adding some poetic, uplifting words. I am equally interested in typography, the artistic shaping and arrangement of letters and words. You will start seeing these in my Etsy store very soon! You will also be seeing a lot more horse-related and natural horsemanship-related artwork, rustic and romantic in style, in my Etsy store. I am very excited about my new work!

Also, while I was at the Parelli Performance Summit I had the opportunity to speak with the people running the Parelli Educational Institute about donating some artwork for silent auction. I don’t know what I will be donating for sure yet, but I am very excited about making a contribution! The proceeds of donated artwork go directly towards scholarships for promising students and I am more than happy to donate artwork for this cause. I have a few different ideas in the works and I’m excited to get started!

In closing I am posting some pictures of the beautiful Parelli Ranch. Enjoy!

 

What Horsenality and Humanality Taught Me

This is the basic Horsenality chart with four quadrants portraying the four different Horsenalities and their traits. The rings, as they progress outward, portray increasing extremeness in the traits. The goal is to get your horse (and yourself) more centered.

If you’re not a Parelli Natural Horsemanship student, then you’ve probably never heard of horsenality. This may seem like a silly term, but it’s a product of science and psychology and I’ll explain the importance of this chart in a moment. First, here is the basic definition of horsenality from http://www.parellinaturalhorsetraining.com/horsenality-horses/:

“Horsenality™” is the term that Pat Parelli coined to refer to his system of understanding horses through their basic personality types. A combination of the words “horse” and “personality,” Horsenality™ is a convenient way to talk about horse psychology in the Parelli Natural Horsemanship method of horse training. 

One of the main goals of the Parelli program is to help horse owners understand their horse’s individual personality and to educate humans about how to teach their horses in the ways that are most effective for each personality type. 

The Parelli natural horse training Horsenality™ system helps students quickly identify a horse’s innate character. Students can then create instant rapport and achieve great results by knowing what’s uniquely important to that individual horse. This approach to understanding horses helps horses – and their humans – become more balanced, centered and confident.

Here is a sample of a horsenality chart all filled out. The brilliant thing is that you can rechart your horse every few months or so and see how your work (or play) with your horse has changed and developed he/she into a more mentally/emotionally/physically fit partner! We are growth-seeking beings, but our horses can grow also.

As I was journaling last night about all I have been studying regarding the Law of Attraction, setting Segment Intentions throughout my day, and Prioritizing Intentions, I realized why this was so mind-blowingly important to me. I flashed back to my time at the Parelli International Study Center in 2009. There we studied Horsenality and Humanality. We studied the horsenality chart and figured out where each of horses charted, which helps training immensely. Imagine if you went to kindergarten and your teacher(s) worked with you for a while until they could fill out your chart and determine the ways you learn best, how to most effectively communicate with you, what your strengths and weaknesses are, and develop a teaching/learning plan with the focus on developing you in your natural strengths while simultaneously helping you grow into a more centered human being where you weren’t naturally as strong. This is what the horsenality chart helps students (teachers and alpha horse to their horses) do with their horses. However, we also charted ourselves and through Parelli you can, now, actually get a horse/humanality report to see where you and your horses chart in order to understand where you are going to have trouble as a leader/teacher for your horse in combination with your horse’s natural learning abilities and learning curves.

My breakthrough came when I remembered I am a Right Brain Extrovert to the core. My strength is DREAMING, and it’s a powerful strength, but my weakness is FOCUS and it’s a powerful weakness. Right Brain Extroverts also tend to be too quick to act. When working with horses, going slow enough, being patient enough, is a challenge. And this translates in relationship to other people as well. I tend to “get” something very quickly and instantly I’m ready to run with it while others are standing there scratching their heads or arms folded, unsure of things. And sometimes I do get too ahead of myself! I’m a big dreamer, I’ve got a million ideas, I’ve got a lot of energy and drive, and once I know what to do for sure, I have unparalleled focus… HOWEVER, sorting and channeling all of these dreams, ideas, all of this energy, all of this drive… can be tricky at best! So learning in detail HOW to set intentions for future goals as well as throughout each day has been… I cannot describe how intensely important this is for me! Not only do I now have the blueprint for channeling all of my ambition, but I’ve got the blueprint for channeling all of my ambition in perfect vibrational harmony with my soul’s deepest desires and dreams.

Many of the horse traits you can actually see and understand in people.

Here I am!! (me and whoever Beth is) I’m a Right Brain Extrovert and life’s a party!

I find these charts to be much more helpful and to the point (in understanding both people and horses) than any other personality charting I’ve ever done, and I did quite a few different ones for a couple of different classes in college. As far as profession goes, they all said I should be a teacher, and I can’t argue with that. I am constantly studying and constantly sharing what I’m learning. I’m, as Pat Parelli would say, a learn-a-holic and  share-a-holic, to the core! One of my dreams is to become a certified Parelli Instructor, but I would also like to do something that combines all of my spiritual studies with all of my horse/human psychology studies. Being that humans are the ultimate predator and horses are the ultimate prey animals, it is such a divine union when the two come together in a harmonious, communicative, love relationship. And to me, there is no greater way to understand people than through learning the language of the horse, because being a prey animal, every aspect of their psychology is different from ours. You really have to understand their language and especially your own, on a whole other level, in order to have that dream relationship of riding off into the sunset together. This is a direction I want to take with my artwork as well… demonstrating the love of horses in spiritual and educational manner. Also, do you know the scientific name for horses? It’s Equus… the only animal in the entire animal kingdom we see as an equal to ourselves. How beautiful is that?

I wasn’t able to find a Humanality chart example of the Left Brain Extrovert, but here are a few others, maybe you’ll see yourself!

I definitely know a few of these!

And these people as well 🙂 They are the caretakers.

To be CONSCIOUS and AWARE of ourselves, how we naturally think, how our minds naturally function, is just as important as what we think. When you have both knowledge on an intimate level, it’s very empowering. Knowing my Right Brain Extrovert natural strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies in combination with the Law of Attraction knowledge and understanding… priceless!!

I hope others find this information fascinating as well and maybe have some personal revelations regarding their humanalties!

I’m going to close with some dreamy pictures of Pat and Linda Parelli that always inspire me personally to strive to do and be my best as well as inspire me to pursue my horsemanship dreams and goals. Happy Trails!

Dreams Are Beginning to be Born into My Life

A Course in Miracles says that when miracles are not occurring, something has gone wrong. The Course also defines miracles as a shift in perception, which was such a beautiful revelation to me when I first heard that. I think this ties into the Law of Attraction, which basically states “like attracts like”, in that if you are able to make the shift in your perception from fear to love, from believing in the “ain’t it awfuls” of the world to believing in the possibility that everything your soul craves is on its way to you, then you are able to perform the miracles necessary to attract those soul cravings into your life. We are all creators, we are all creating the lives we are living thought by thought. Awakening is simply understanding your relationship with you and learning how to create your heart’s desires in your life by making conscious thought choices that keep you on the path to your divine purpose.

This transformation is at work in me now. It’s taken a long time and a lot of diligence to learn to be conscious of what I’m thinking and how it’s serving me all the time. I can say with certainty that in the past few months I’ve shifted into a whole new level of consciousness. I have such an awareness of my thought processes now. Not ALL the time, I’m no enlightened master, the ego still gets me, but… it’s like I have the ego on a catch and release program. Very quickly after it gets me, I catch it at work in my thoughts and my life, and immediately surrender it to Source, asking that it be taken away and my thoughts made new. I’ve been gaining momentum in the manifestation of dreams and I don’t want anything slowing me down! I surrender all, I forgive, I release, and pray that if my dreams are in the highest and best interest for all, then please allow them to materialize!

And they are materializing. I just went back and reread one of my favorite posts that I’ve made, and I’m surprised at the lack of its popularity. It’s title is “Follow Your Heart: Intuition is Multisensory Perception”. I wrote about multisensory perception (just the idea of multisensory perception is intriguing to me, sensing beyond the five senses!) and I included one of my favorite examples of how reality as we know it is so small: on the color scale (and if you’ve ever taken Graphic Design, you know this VERY well) we can see from Red to Violet. Physics has proven that the color scale continues INFINITELY in both directions from that little swatch of color scale that we can see with our human eyes. It’s an example of how we take the five senses and think or say to ourselves “this is all there is.”

But as A Course in Miracles says, beyond this world is a world I want. I interpret that “world I want” as Heaven. It’s not in some far away place, it’s simply beyond the five senses, but it’s here. We  just have to tap into that higher level of consciousness, we have to tap into our multisensory capabilities, we have to ask Source for a miracle, to broaden our perspective, to think and feel all the love and abundance that has always been here for us, just waiting for us to evolve to being able to bring it into our hearts and minds, because “like attracts like” so once we achieve this miraculous shift in perception, then and only then, will the dreams of our souls and desires of our hearts materialize into our lives. This is what life is about. This is the lesson. We were not born perfect, but it is our mission to become perfect here, meaning it is our mission to learn how to think the thoughts of Heaven in a fear-based world, it is our mission to become powerful creators of everything our hearts and souls have ever desired rather than powerful creators of lack. “This is what it means to take your spiritual life seriously: the world is in trouble, the people on the earth have prayed, and God sent YOU. ” –Marianne Williamson.

For the purpose of documenting my work within myself and my study of the Law of Attraction, I am going to say exactly where  I am right now. Beginning back in February, I think, I started seeing the year 2009 and Colorado everywhere, on every TV show, the radio, everything I picked up to read, there it was. (2009 was the year I spent two months studying Parelli Natural Horsemanship at the Parelli International Study Center in Pagosa Springs, Colorado). I think that was the universe speaking to me, telling me to wake up to the dream that has been sleeping in my soul. Then, miracle, 4 years after the fact, I finally got in touch with the woman who took the professional pictures of me and my horse when I was in Colorado, purchased the photos, and received them (the photos in the post are the Photos by Griz that finally, miraculously, found me!). THAT brought my dream of living in Pagosa Springs, Colorado, with my horses, working for Parelli, and all my dreams for myself and my horses to a HUGE awakening. That dream shot straight up from it’s slumber. So I kept writing about my spiritual journey as an artist, and I created a vision board filled with pictures of Pagosa Springs and all of the things I want to do with my horses, log homes and horse properties in the Pagosa Springs area, pictures of stacks and stacks of money. I signed up to be a volunteer for the Des Moines, IA Parelli Natural Horsemanship Tour Stop and things started happening very quickly!

This past weekend was the Horse and Soul Des Moines, IA tour stop, and that’s why I haven’t written anything for a week. I’m still recovering from the awesomeness and I’m going to write a post about that alone next, but right now I feel driven to write about my how the Law of Attraction is working in my life. So, Horse and Soul, back in February I started going to Wednesday night book studies at my church, ended up chatting with a woman after class, and discovered her sister was a huge Parelli student like I am. We finally met last month and since we were both volunteers at Horse and Soul, we ended up riding together to Des Moines and rooming together to split expenses. Her name is Jody, she has become a good friend and a valuable source of all kinds of information. Through that same Wednesday night book study I met someone who needed book cover designs done, which has given me some excellent new additions for my graphic design portfolio as well as another lucrative addition to my art business, and he has also become a great friend, not to mention another great source of information valuable to me as well!

THE KICKER:

I can’t reveal the particulars yet, but I am headed to Pagosa Springs, Colorado soon with my beloved Jordan. So as I work to manifest my dreams, which also include my life-partner, of course, my focus is on gainful employment with Parelli in any form, getting a place to live in which I can keep all three of my horses, a truck big enough to haul my trailer, and the means to make all of the above possible. I don’t have any idea how this is going to play out, but I am absolutely certain that now is the time and place, that this is the desire of my heart and soul, I really believe  it’s happening now (because it FEELS so right and so GOOD), and yet, I’m not clinging to the outcome. I know the best possible outcome of everything will take place, I know the universe is conspiring in my favor, and as long as I keep my heart, soul, and mind aligned with Source, then only good lies before me. Only good lies before Jordan and I.

So I can see how the universe is at work in my life, I can see the swirling and sparkling of my dreams beginning to materialize into real, tangible creations in my life. You can’t connect the dots looking forward, but you can looking back. I can look back and see where I was mentally aligned with Source and how the universe routinely reorganized itself to present to me something I needed on my journey to creating the life I’ve longed for. It’s amazing! Stay tuned, I think I am going to be making some really exciting dream manifestation posts soon!

With My Heart and My Mind Outstretched, I Metaphysically Reached through the Veil

I started this blog out with my very first manifestation of a dream, my story of ending a relationship, quitting my job, taking off with my horse, and driving out to Pagosa Springs, Colorado for the two month “Becoming a Horseman” course at the Parelli Natural Horsemanship International Study Center. A Course in Miracles says that it is up to you whether you learn through joy or through pain. I am understanding this now. We don’t have to be enlightened masters in order to reach a level of consciousness in which it no longer takes pummeling the forehead with bricks in order to hear what the universe is speaking to us. We just have to become better students. We don’t have to be perfect 100% A+ students, but being C students isn’t good enough anymore, and there’s no time to waste here. We need to awaken and in order to do so, we need become better spiritual students.

That is my rear view of my truck and trailer (carrying my beloved Josey) in the early morning sunrise as I crossed the border into Colorado on my way to Pagosa Springs in 2009.

When I left for Colorado back in 2009, I was literally on the road to healing, but I had learned all that got me to that road through pain. It was unnecessary, I could have learned through joy, but I wasn’t conscious enough yet! It didn’t take a brick to the forehead for me to get to the picture. An entire brick building had to come down on my head in order for enough sense to finally get knocked into me. It’s like that scene in Bruce Almighty where Jim Carey is heading for danger and there are literally giant flashing arrows saying “WARNING, WARNING!” “DANGER AHEAD!” and he just keeps going. That’s what I was like. We all do it. We walk around all day long with everything we need, every solution, every answer, every warning that we’re going the wrong way presenting itself to us, but we can’t see it, we aren’t conscious enough to see through the veil of our illusionary everyday lives into the deeper reality beyond. We don’t meditate enough, we don’t pray enough, we aren’t diligent enough in our thinking, and we find ourselves racked with emotions, caught up in drama, feeling powerless in the world…. and it’s not true. It’s NOT true. We missed all of the blessings that were trying to come into our lives by unconsciously sauntering through our day in the brightest light imaginable, with our hands in front of our eyes complaining that it’s dark in here. A day, a week, a month, an entire life that we created, purely our own design, yet it’s not what we wanted. Why? Because that is what happens when creation is unconscious, and make no mistake about it, we are creating every single day, it’s just that most of us are doing it unconsciously and not on purpose.

The sun is always shining, the sky is always blue, but sometimes you have to drive straight into the storm in order to burst through the veil and into the world you want. Or in this case, reach the dream of making down Wolf Creek Pass in an F350 Crew Cab manual truck, with a 17 foot steel stock trailer, hauling precious cargo in blinding rain, sitting on the brakes all the way down, in order to make it to the dream destination–Pagosa Springs!

My healing journey to Colorado in 2009 was born out of great despair, desperation, and as a result, me unwittingly enacting the power of the law of attraction in my life. In no way, standing at a Parelli tour stop in 2008, could I see myself making enough money, accumulating enough things, getting a trailer, driving myself and my horse through mountains, to make that journey happen in less than a year’s time. But I was determined and I slept, ate, and breathed my dream of going to Colorado…and like MAGIC, the money, the items, the clothing, the trailer, everything I needed came to me at the exact time I needed it. But I had never heard of the law of attraction. I didn’t even know I was using that law in my favor. And I didn’t come to fully understand its power until just this past week.

My beautiful Josey, first moment out of the trailer at the Parelli Ranch after a hairy drive through the mountains in the rain.

Driving home from an impromptu trip to South Dakota this past weekend, I listened to Abraham Hicks via youtube videos while I was driving. I’d been listening to Abraham Hicks for a while. It’s very confusing at first if you don’t know what it’s all about, because you hear the name “Abraham Hicks” but it’s a woman speaking (Esther Hicks) and then Jerry Hicks is her husband. These people are the original source of the Law of Attraction. I highly recommend visiting their website http://www.abraham-hicks.com/lawofattractionsource/index.php and reading Jerry and Esther’s story, as well as who/what Abraham is and how Abraham came into the picture. It’s very interesting, but more than that, every time I listened to a youtube video, I felt a great sense of PEACE wash over me. When I listen to Abraham, I feel such RELIEF, peace, joy, and excitement at the SIMPLICITY of the Law of Attraction. It’s a universal law. It’s such a RELIEF to realize that I can call any dream into being. It’s total freedom to create any life I can dream up. And it’s simple. I have always been a dreamer, a BIG dreamer. I have a lot of passion, drive, and ambition, and now I know how to direct it straight into the realization of my dreams… ON PURPOSE.

I think I unwittingly called Pagosa Springs back into my life over the past few months, but from here on out, I am using my own power, on purpose. I know what I want and I am going to be disciplined in my thoughts, words, and actions. I have learned to not get lost in thoughts so easily or for very long anymore. I’m more conscious and I live more in the present moment now than I ever have. And I am confident that I have the ability to call everything I’m thinking right now into being.  I believe I will be a power of example in people’s lives. I literally no longer feel like anything is out of my reach. No dream is too big for any of us. It’s really not. Listen to Abraham and you’ll understand. And on that note I am going to commune with Source in the creation of some artwork, but before I end this, I want to share what Abraham says of the Law of Attraction  in the Introduction to Abraham tracks on the website. Enjoy!

The Law of Attraction–Abraham

The Law of Attraction is the most powerful law in the universe. And an understanding of this is essential before understanding of anything else that we are offering can be of value. The Law of Attraction is the most powerful law in the universe and what it says is, that which is likened to itself is drawn. You see it evidenced here in your society when you say “birds of a feather flock together”. You see it evidenced when you wake up in the morning and you have a very bad day and all through the day things get worse and worse and at the end of the day you say, “I should not have gotten out of bed.”  You see law of attraction evidenced in your society when you see that the one who speaks most of illness has it! When you see that the one who speaks most of prosperity has it! Law of attraction is evident everywhere around you if you are understanding what it is.

You are a magnet attracting unto you that which you are thinking and feeling. And so if you are feeling fat, you cannot attract thin! If you feel poor, you cannot attract prosperity! And so, it defies law. When you come to understand that you are a magnet attracting unto you, then and only then, will it make sense to you to pay attention to what you are thinking, you see. When we say to you that you are the creator of your experience and that you attract unto you through your thought, and through your word, which is an extension of your thought, and through your action, which is also an extension of your thought, what we are saying is, literally, you are creating your experience. The greatest resistance that we receive about that is that there are so many who have those things in their experience that they don’t want and so they cannot believe that they would have created it. They say Abraham, I would not have done this unto me, and we say we know you would not have done it on purpose, but there is creation by default which is putting law of attraction to work by summoning or soliciting or inviting into your experience that which you do not want, by thought, not understanding the rules of the game so to speak. Without exception, that which you give thought to, is that which you begin to invite into your experience.

When you think a little thought of something that you are wanting, by law of attraction that thought grows larger and larger and more and more powerful. When you think a thought of something you are not wanting, that law of attraction adds unto it and it grows larger and larger also. And so the larger it grows, the more power it adds unto it, then the more certain you are to receive the experience you see. And so we are not saying that every subtle little thought will manifest instantly in your experience, but that is because of the buffer of time. But it does mean that it is setting forth the probability and if you stay focused upon it long enough, it absolutely, under ALL conditions, will be yours, you see.

The interesting thing about these laws that we are offering here is that they ARE even if you do not understand that they are, and they affect your experience, even in your ignorance of them. And so as you are hearing this recording it is our wanting that you will not resist these words because they are strange, but that you will ponder them and then look into your own experience that you may see the correlation between what you are thinking and speaking and what you are getting, so that you will accept the law of attraction as absolute, thereby beginning to use it to you benefit rather than your detriment.

Humanity is a Boundless, Absorbing Heart… Let us Raise Ourselves like Lanterns! …And Shine

You Tell Me

It cannot be so you say…

Simple hands cannot change the fate of humanity.

I say humanity is a boundless, absorbing heart,

Transcending death, and generations, and centuries,

Absorbing bullets, and stitches, and tear gas,

Enduring humiliation, and illegal abortions, and thankless jobs.

I say to you, the heart of humanity has not and will not be broken.

And let us raise ourselves like lanterns.

With the millions of others,

With the mad, and the forgotten, and the strong of heart,

To shine.

– Jewel

I’m a huge Jewel fan. She is my favorite female artist of all time, and I feel that this poem, much like her song Hands, has a very beautiful message–one I think we can’t be reminded of enough. That the human heart can endure the unimaginable and has done so for centuries. That we are never broken. And that in our humanness, with our own hands and with great love, we have the ability to transform the world.

Speaking from my own perspective, and taking my own small hands, with great love, I am assuming the duties of being a Parelli Natural Horsemanship Ambassador. I received the promotional materials today: 12 Parelli Horse and Soul Tour posters and 50 tickets. For those unacquainted with Parelli, their mission statement is: “To make the world a better place for horses and the people that love them.” They are all about the fusion of human and horse psychology and putting the relationship between horse and human above every other goal–something that can and should be transferred to human relationships with other humans as well! The program is taught in levels with a set of core principles that will transform all areas of your life if you embark on this journey with your horse. It is a truly remarkable program! And as a natural born horse-lover from birth, I can’t be more excited about doing my part to help spread this message.

I’m all set to begin my Parelli Natural Horsemanship Ambassador marketing duties!

Furthermore, today I decided to reorganize my art studio (also known as the dining room, ha!) and ended up just turning on my music and repainting my artful shelf/wine rack (can’t seem to remember what it’s actually called). It was an ugly brown and it is now almost all white. It’s become quite a project with all the swirly, curly metal to paint! But hopefully I’ll be putting my studio back together later tonight. I have a lot of work that I’m excited to do, but at a certain point… areas of creation need to be reorganized and revamped for optimal creating to be able to take place! My makeshift studio had definitely reached that point! Though I like being surrounded by wine in my work, the wine fridge just needed to be out of my creative space and has been happily moved to the kitchen, giving me a little much-needed extra space. At first it seemed like a daunting task, but who says cleaning can’t be a creative act also? Perspective is everything.

For instance, today was just another seemingly ordinary day. I woke up, took a shower, and ate breakfast. The sink was full of dishes from making dinner the night before. Pieces of my boyfriend’s beer-brewing/equipment-making materials were strewn about the living room floor and abandoned for the next five days. The dogs had tracked in mud, leaving muddy paw prints sprinkled across the linoleum in the kitchen. Laundry was waiting patiently in baskets. But in pulling myself out of the thinking about how much never-ending work cleaning the house is, I took a breath and realized, this is really sacred. The life and joy the dogs bring to the house… is sacred. Having a loving life partner who is so passionate about his hobbies, is sacred. Having food to eat and nice dishes to wash, is sacred. It’s finally April and the rain from the past couple of days has brought the grass to life again, sprinkling the yard with spikes of vibrant green. Buds are swelling on the trees. That fat squirrel is back stuffing his face with the sunflower seeds I threw out in the front yard. There is no ordinary day. Every day is extraordinary whether we notice it or not, just as there’s no such thing as a gray day. The sun is always shining, the sky is always blue, it’s just that sometimes there are gray clouds in front of the blue sky. That said, not only will I do the work necessary for my art business and excitedly plan my Parelli marketing goals today, but, with great joy, I will also go let the dogs outside for the 97th time today, clean up my boyfriend’s mess, and once again partake in the sacred washing of dishes!

So for all of us with our boundless, absorbing hearts, I hope that we can all see a way to transcend the gray skies in our lives (in whatever forms they may take), remember that we are never broken, and raise ourselves like lanterns!… and SHINE.

Whose Face is Marred by Dust and Sweat and Blood; Who Strives Valiantly: Who Errs…

Theodore Roosevelt’s speech “Citizenship in a Republic,” or sometimes referred to as “The Man in the Arena,” was delivered at the Sorbonne in Paris, France, on April 23, 1910. This passage made the speech famous:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;

Who at best knows in the end triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…”

I am reading Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly, and I’m happily learning that vulnerability is “the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experience.” Every page is filled with such deep significance, that I know I will be reading and re-reading and referencing this book for years to come. These teachings about vulnerability and shame are the very roots of human existence, for each individual person, for cultures, and for nations. We need to understand role of vulnerability, and of shame, in all of humankind in order for individual and collective human growth.

I’m completely in love with this passage by Theodore Roosevelt, which appears in the beginning of Daring Greatly. It’s another way of phrasing the same sentiments poetically drawn out by Charles Bukowski in my last post. It is the same sentiment of Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In. And what these messages are saying is, to achieve the great significance in life that we all crave, to live WHOLEHEARTEDLY, we need to embrace the core of wholehearted living, which is “vulnerability and worthiness: facing uncertainty, exposure, and emotional risks, and knowing that I am enough.” -Brene Brown. I don’t think I’m the only one who is sick to death of feeling afraid, of the media onslaught of scarcity, fear, and blame, and sick to death of not being brave.

I am ready to take up the sword of courage, valiantly slay my fears, and strip my heart naked in front of the world. Brene defines vulnerability as: uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It’s time for me to be vulnerable, which I now see not as weakness (which is a myth), but as THEE largest showing of strength a person is humanly capable of embodying. I want to be a fully raw, fully real, wholehearted human being. This leads me to examine the places in which I’m not showing up as a raw, real, wholehearted human.

I am not showing up in the areas in which I am afraid. Time and time again that phrase from A Course in Miracles has resurfaced for me, “BEWARE the danger of an UNRECOGNIZED belief.” I have discovered I was not doing things that I was afraid without realizing there was a fear and that it was holding me back. Our minds are so efficient at “protecting” us from uncomfortable emotions that sometimes things get buried without our conscious knowledge. For instance, I had always thought about writing a blog, but never did until I was prodded by a friend to do so. Immediately, after the first couple of posts, I experienced such fear of judgement that I was just absolutely sick. And it took a long time to recover! Brene calls it a “vulnerability hangover,” which is so appropriate. But unearthing an unrecognized fear (like belief that my life is not worthy of being shared) has lead me to re-examine EVERYTHING.

SHAME. Brene goes into detail about shame in Daring Greatly, and I think those are the roots of the roots of my fears. From the base of my fear’s roots down to the scraggly root hairs, shameful feelings that I am not worthy, that I am not good enough, and berating myself at my core for mistakes I’ve made, THOSE are my wholehearted-living killers. So how do I turn these things around? I am going to begin by embracing the gifts I have been given in art and poetry. I am going to take Brene’s Ten Guideposts for Wholehearted Living and create an artistic poster outlining these ten instructions for cultivating wholeheartedness to put up in my house. I want to daily affirm these guides and check in with how I’m doing emulating them in my life. I’m writing this blog post about vulnerability and sending it out into the world. I’m going to write more poetry AND… I’m going to share it at a poetry reading in a local cafe/bar that does poetry readings on Monday nights. That ought to bring the raw and real me back to life in a hurry! I can’t think of anything more terrifying than exposing myself and my poetic works nakedly in front of an audience. I think that’s a good start!

I will be sharing my continuing quest to embrace vulnerability with strength and courage. Hopefully those reading this blog post will not only read Daring Greatly, but will also be inspired to bravely embrace vulnerability in their own lives and come to live wholeheartedly by daring greatly.

I dared most greatly by taking off with my Josey to spend two months in Colorado, in 2009, studying Parelli Natural Horsemanship. Now I’m on a mission to dare 100 times more greatly, dream bigger, and conquer my fears all the way to realizing these new and bigger dreams!

You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire!

Shpilkes: nervous energy; to be feeling “antsy,” to be “sitting on pins and needles”.

I have had it all week and I am trying to get rid of it. Meditation took the edge off, but it didn’t entirely eliminate it. I want to get back to a state of peace, a state of calm, a state of happiness, or at the very least, some semblance of contentment. I feel like every one of my nerve endings is frazzled, pulsating, and short circuiting. Why? I have no idea. I hope it means I’m on the verge of something great. Charles Bukowski’s words inspire me.

“If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery–isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.”

― Charles Bukowski, Factotum

I felt this way before when I was preparing for that great big natural horsemanship adventure in Colorado. My insides were twisted, my nerves were like tired, charred, barely sparking remnants of what they once were… like powerlines after a tornado has ripped them apart… leaping, sizzling, jumping, snapping, and zapping until there’s nothing left but limp, lifeless lines. Life as I knew it had been turned on its end and it was testing both my endurance and my sanity.  At the same time, I was fully fed by the dream of Colorado and the satisfaction of counting up my tips at the end of the night, knowing I was one step closer to realizing that dream. I had the big dream and a set list of goals that needed to be met in order to achieve that dream. It was big and scary at times, while other times it just flooded me with excitement and joy. It was the healthy sort of shpilkes, which means my feet had been deliberately placed outside my comfort zone. I was in uncharted territory. Learning could begin.

I want to do something BIG. I want to be alone with the gods, for the nights to flame with fire, and to ride life straight into perfect laughter! Charles Bukowski is right; to go all the way is the only good fight there is! The last time I did something big was in 2009 and nothing I’ve done since has compared to the size and scope of the mental/emotional transformation or personal growth I made by realizing a dream, over ten years in the making, that seemed impossible. Colorado, 2009, is coming roaring back. I feel like I left Parelli when I left the Parelli Ranch in 2009 and now Parelli is coming back to claim me and take me home. You see,  Parelli is coming back…back to the Midwest, to Des Moines, Iowa, to my home territory (close enough). They are embarking on their 2013 Horse and Soul Tour, which hits Des Moines in May, the weekend before my birthday. In thinking about this and being cognoscente of the fact that I have been meditating and am in the right frame of mind to mentally download important information… I paused in writing just now, feeling the urge to go to their website and decided to not only go to the Des Moines tour stop, but to sign up as an ambassador and volunteer. You only get what you give away and there is nothing I’d rather give my time, attention, and energy to than Parelli. Parelli Natural Horsemanship makes my heart sing and my soul flood with joy! I cannot wait to serve them.

It has just been the strangest couple of months. The year 2009 and Colorado have been popping up quite a bit this year, but just recently it has been pelting me everywhere I turn. I finally made contact with the woman who took professional pictures of my horse and I in Colorado and got the whole CD of pictures purchased. In every TV show, every book, every snippet of a story online, something about something big happening to someone in 2009 is revealed to me. Stories of great pain and great triumph from 2009 are everywhere. Not that I ever thought I was the only one that had a big year, but there has got to be a message here from 2009 for me. Hopef ully through meditation and prayer it will be revealed to me soon.

I have been really opening my mind to the possibilities of anything at any moment. I’ve realized that in order to enjoy and cherish the NOW, you have to surrender your judgments about everything. This takes effort and repetitive retraining of my mental muscles, but it’s starting to work. My boyfriend feels he has reached a point in which he is ready to take the next step in his career and leave the contract-type work that forces him to travel long distances, stay in crummy motels, and be gone from home all week every week. In the search to find this new job with normal hours in one location, I have made (after some time) the conscious effort to really and truly surrender all judgement about where this job search might lead us. I have to remember that God knows better than I do where we’re supposed to be, so I surrender everything to God and let him lead us to the correct next step. So when we’re searching and see a job opening in a town in Minnesota, for example, instead of letting fearful feelings of the unknown cause me to create false judgments about a place I’ve never even seen… I pause, let go of those negative feelings, and look at it for what it is; a potentially lovely place to live and work. I was amazed to discover that so many of the judgments I’ve made, thoughts that I think are my true opinions… didn’t even come from me at all. They came from a place in which I was afraid of something I didn’t know, and to protect myself from this fear, my mind made up a negative thought that caused negative feelings and guess what… it happens all the time to all of us and it’s blocking us from being able to receive the blessings God is trying to send our way. *Forehead slap* Awakening is finally seeing the crazy voice in your head, realizing that it isn’t you and shoving a sock in its mouth. It uses your voice, but it’s not you. Mine has a pretty big mouth… I might need a whole bag of socks to really cork it.

So what does this mean for my art business? Everything. My spiritual journey is every area of my life and the more spiritually grounded I become, the greater my art. And the greater amount of art I can create once I emerge from the sphilkes into the palm of God, the peace that passes understanding. We can learn through joy or we can learn through pain, and although I know God never wastes a hurt… in 2009 I learned through pain, this year I want to see what it’s like to learn through joy. A Course in Miracles says, “You achieve so little, because you have an undisciplined mind.” Well I am taking Oprah and Deepak’s 21-day Meditation Challenge, I am creating the daily  habit of prayer and meditation, and I’m trying to catch all of my unloving thoughts and re-release them as loving thoughts instead. So it’s time. When it comes to life, I am going to try, I’m going to go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. I will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. I will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.

Me and my beloved Josey living the dream at the Parelli Ranch in Pagosa Springs, Colorado, 2009.