“There’s really not a day that goes by that I don’t play music in some way or another. If music makes somebody’s day a little bit better, even for the three minutes that the song is on, then it’s working.
I’ve always had a big fire inside me to create something. If I don’t feel like I’m creating something, then I feel like I’m dying and that’s what fuels the music and the songs. I will always write music.”
Zac Brown of the Zac Brown Band
I was listening to Abraham (Abraham-Hicks) yesterday on my way home from feeding my horses. It never ceases to amaze me how I can listen to the same mp3s over and over and still get something new out of them every time. Abraham teaches us that, “We can’t get it wrong and we’ll never get it done–that we can’t get it wrong because we’ll never get it done. Life is an eternal path. There is always going to be a gap between the eternal being that we are and the place we’ve physically expanded to, because the contrast of life is always going to cause us to launch new desires.”
My new understanding is that the second we launch a desire for something, the eternal part of us, being entirely free, immediately expands to this new level. This is one and the same with the teachings that all of our desires are created in a vibrational reality before they manifest into our physical reality. The eternal part of us is always going to be ahead of the physical culmination of our being. So it’s not about closing this gap, but it is about finding the path of least resistance from vibrational reality to physical manifestation. It’s about finding the path of least resistance to integrity, to the integration of our eternal spirit and our physical being. And then, with the launching of new desires, a new gap is formed. It is right and it is good. There is no need to ever feel bad for not being where you want to be. It’s not about arriving at the desired destination, it’s about the realization that, being an eternal being in a physical body, we are always co-creating our own worlds in every moment. It’s about the realization of our creative power. It’s about the fun of creating whatever we want! This is why it’s so important to find joy in the now, to have fun on your way to the desires you’ve launched. Life was meant to be fun and that is the most difficult lesson for me to learn.
That’s also why I LOVE this Zac Brown quote so much. I love, love, love it! It just penetrated my soul as this is exactly how I feel about my art. I can feel that the eternal me has expanded into a place where the fire inside of me that drives me to create has grown into an inferno and I feel like I’m dying a little bit every day I don’t get to immerse myself in creating art. So I’m trying to reach that place in which I’m having my fun on my way to the great success I’m reaching for, like I feel Zac Brown has mastered. When a desire for something that hasn’t manifested gets extremely powerful, it’s imperative to achieve the state of allowing that lets the manifestation in…which means it’s imperative to have fun, to be filled with gratitude, to laugh, and to be joyous in the now. None of which are things I want to do! I want to work, and work, and work until I make my dreams manifest right here right now! But that’s only OK if I have fun, if I’m filled with gratitude, if I laugh, and if I’m joyous as I work my way to living ALL that I love. What I really, really, really want cannot manifest in my life as long as my energy is split between my deep-seated desires and my disappointment or devastation at not having what I want so badly yet. I have to do the work and do it with a smile, inside and out.
It feels really close. Everything I want feels really close. Almost every day I am getting flashes of blissful memories of times in my life in which I have felt amazingly free and joy-filled. What’s interesting, and I don’t know what it means, is that most of the memories are from travelling.Like the first time I stepped out of the car at a gas station in Sedona and felt like I’d just walked onto a movie set. The rock is so red, it didn’t seem real! It’s absolutely gorgeous and every time I go there, I am awestruck by Sedona’s deep beauty and inspired to create.
I also remember driving alone, in my early 20’s, to Arizona on my way to get my Grandma, driving through the Texas panhandle, seeing giant tumbleweeds come rolling across the highway in the darkness of night and feeling like I was in another world. That was my very first trip to Arizona. I get flashes of my first time taking Grandma home from Arizona, driving through the mountains outside of Flagstaff and feeling that heart-pounding excitement of seeing snow-covered mountaintops and log cabins for the first time. I remember the amazing feeling of driving through the Navajo reservation in Arizona. (I feel some incredible connection with Native Americans.)
I remember walking off the plane in Hawaii, in January, having left the Midwest in a blizzard and arrived in a tropical paradise on the same day. I’ve gotten flashes of my first night in Cancun, walking and dancing along the beach, and the soft roar of the ocean. The sand and ocean were just glowing in the moonlight. And I remember, when I was in high school, spending so much time in the barn, out with the horses, and being out so early in the morning horseback riding that I got to watch the sun rise from the back of my horse.
When I start thinking about all of the places I’ve gotten to see and things I’ve gotten to do, I am filled with joy and gratitude for the immense abundance of amazing moments I’ve collected. And when I write poetry, when I create, and when I feel really connected to the lyrics in a song…I’ve noticed the importance of the little moments. I’ve noticed that when people think back over their lives, it’s the little things that matter most; those little details that spark emotion in us. For me, the sweet smell of hay, the way the leather creaked when I swung into that old Hereford saddle…even the smell of wet saddle blankets just fills me with fond memories of horses from my youth. Even right now, the house may be messy, but there are steaks and potatoes on the grill and three adorable puppies basking in the warm glow of the living room. Every moment there’s something to appreciate…the sun warming your back, a good song on the radio, or even just the senses to experience your own unique, personal interpretation of life. Appreciation for the very breath you’re able to draw. Raw gratitude for all things and experiences.
Last night as I was driving to work, not really wanting to be driving to work, so I put my headphones on and listened to “Free” by the Zac Brown Band. I listened as I cruised under one glowing streetlight to the next; from one stoplight to the next. I listened as the hustle and bustle of cars and people increased as I drew nearer to the heart of town, finally found a place to park, and hopped out to walk several blocks to the bar I work at on the weekends. I listened as I passed person after person and glowing lamp after glowing lamp, past old brownstone buildings, the neon-filled windows of bars, and decorative storefronts. I listened as I lit out across old brick streets and a cool breeze whipped my hair like a flag in the wind. And I listened as I bounded up the steps and through the front doors of the bar. We are just as free, free as we’ll ever be. These moments, when I’m heading to work, when I have do laundry, when I have to spend soooo much time doing things other than what I really want to do, I can feel the raging inferno inside threatening to consume me if I don’t release it into some form of creativity. I know what Zac Brown is talking about. I feel it all the time.
But instead of railing against the invisible brick walls or rattling the bars of the invisible prison I’ve created in my mind by feeding into a succession of thoughts about how all I want to do is be free to create all the time, but I’m not…I’m going to honor that fire in me by finding joy in the now I don’t want; by finding joy in the things that must be done that I don’t want to do. I’m going to honor that fire by opening the door of my heart in every moment for its expansion in my life, no matter what that moment contains. I’m going to keep throwing that door of my heart open, because what if it’s right? What if it’s right that I have to work two jobs as I build my art business? What if it’s right because it’s the path of least resistance to meeting the right person to connect me to something big and wonderful for my business? What if it’s right because I’m going to learn something that will forever change the course of my life in the process? Just…what if it’s right? What if the very thing I hate and don’t want, is actually right and I just need to open my heart to receive it? What if the linchpin for everything that I want exists within the walls of everything that I don’t?
What if!?
Tonight I have to work. But today I got to write. It isn’t enough. I don’t just want more, I need more. I need more time to create. There’s an urgency roaring within me. I feel like my life depends on it. I don’t just want to create as bad as I want air. I need to create with the same necessity in which I need to breathe. And that is how I know I’m close, I’m so close, to all of my dreams coming true. If I can keep my heart propped open for all of life as it is to be loved, I know all that I love and want will become my life fully. I’m so close. I’m so close! It’s only a matter of openhearted time.
The ART of Life 