The Eternal Path

“There’s really not a day that goes by that I don’t play music in some way or another. If music makes somebody’s day a little bit better, even for the three minutes that the song is on, then it’s working. 

I’ve always had a big fire inside me to create something. If I don’t feel like I’m creating something, then I feel like I’m dying and that’s what fuels the music and the songs. I will always write music.” 

Zac Brown of the Zac Brown Band

I was listening to Abraham (Abraham-Hicks) yesterday on my way home from feeding my horses. It never ceases to amaze me how I can listen to the same mp3s over and over and still get something new out of them every time. Abraham teaches us that, “We can’t get it wrong and we’ll never get it done–that we can’t get it wrong because we’ll never get it done. Life is an eternal path. There is always going to be a gap between the eternal being that we are and the place we’ve physically expanded to, because the contrast of life is always going to cause us to launch new desires.”

My new understanding is that the second we launch a desire for something, the eternal part of us, being entirely free, immediately expands to this new level. This is one and the same with the teachings that all of our desires are created in a vibrational reality before they manifest into our physical reality. The eternal part of us is always going to be ahead of the physical culmination of our being. So it’s not about closing this gap, but it is about finding the path of least resistance from vibrational reality to physical manifestation. It’s about finding the path of least resistance to integrity, to the integration of our eternal spirit and our physical being. And then, with the launching of new desires,  a new gap is formed. It is right and it is good. There is no need to ever feel bad for not being where you want to be. It’s not about arriving at the desired destination, it’s about the realization that, being an eternal being in a physical body, we are always co-creating our own worlds in every moment. It’s about the realization of our creative power. It’s about the fun of creating whatever we want! This is why it’s so important to find joy in the now, to have fun on your way to the desires you’ve launched. Life was meant to be fun and that is the most difficult lesson for me to learn.

That’s also why I LOVE this Zac Brown quote so much. I love, love, love it! It just penetrated my soul as this is exactly how I feel about my art. I can feel that the eternal me has expanded into a place where the fire inside of me that drives me to create has grown into an inferno and I feel like I’m dying a little bit every day I don’t get to immerse myself in creating art. So I’m trying to reach that place in which I’m having my fun on my way to the great success I’m reaching for, like I feel Zac Brown has mastered. When a desire for something that hasn’t manifested gets extremely powerful, it’s imperative to achieve the state of allowing that lets the manifestation in…which means it’s imperative to have fun, to be filled with gratitude, to laugh, and to be joyous in the now. None of which are things I want to do! I want to work, and work, and work until I make my dreams manifest right here right now! But that’s only OK if I have fun, if I’m filled with gratitude, if I laugh, and if I’m joyous as I work my way to living ALL that I love. What I really, really, really want cannot manifest in my life as long as my energy is split between my deep-seated desires and my disappointment or devastation at not having what I want so badly yet. I have to do the work and do it with a smile, inside and out.

It feels really close. Everything I want feels really close. Almost every day I am getting flashes of blissful memories of times in my life in which I have felt amazingly free and joy-filled. What’s interesting, and I don’t know what it means, is that most of the memories are from travelling.Like the first time I stepped out of the car at a gas station in Sedona and felt like I’d just walked onto a movie set. The rock is so red, it didn’t seem real! It’s absolutely gorgeous and every time I go there, I am awestruck by Sedona’s deep beauty and inspired to create.

I also remember driving alone, in my early 20’s, to Arizona on my way to get my Grandma, driving through the Texas panhandle, seeing giant tumbleweeds come rolling across the highway in the darkness of night and feeling like I was in another world. That was my very first trip to Arizona. I get flashes of my first time taking Grandma home from Arizona, driving through the mountains outside of Flagstaff and feeling that heart-pounding excitement of seeing snow-covered mountaintops and log cabins for the first time. I remember the amazing feeling of driving through the Navajo reservation in Arizona. (I feel some incredible connection with Native Americans.)

I remember walking off the plane in Hawaii, in January, having left the Midwest in a blizzard and arrived in a tropical paradise on the same day. I’ve gotten flashes of my first night in Cancun, walking and dancing along the beach, and the soft roar of the ocean. The sand and ocean were just glowing in the moonlight. And I remember, when I was in high school, spending so much time in the barn, out with the horses, and being out so early in the morning horseback riding that I got to watch the sun rise from the back of my horse.

When I start thinking about all of the places I’ve gotten to see and things I’ve gotten to do, I am filled with joy and gratitude for the immense abundance of amazing moments I’ve collected. And when I write poetry, when I create, and when I feel really connected to the lyrics in a song…I’ve noticed the importance of the little moments. I’ve noticed that when people think back over their lives, it’s the little things that matter most; those little details that spark emotion in us. For me, the sweet smell of hay, the way the leather creaked when I swung into that old Hereford saddle…even the smell of wet saddle blankets just fills me with fond memories of horses from my youth. Even right now, the house may be messy, but there are steaks and potatoes on the grill and three adorable puppies basking in the warm glow of the living room. Every moment there’s something to appreciate…the sun warming your back, a good song on the radio, or even just the senses to experience your own unique, personal interpretation of life. Appreciation for the very breath you’re able to draw. Raw gratitude for all things and experiences.

Last night as I was driving to work, not really wanting to be driving to work, so I put my headphones on and listened to “Free” by the Zac Brown Band. I listened as I cruised under one glowing streetlight to the next; from one stoplight to the next. I listened as the hustle and bustle of cars and people increased as I drew nearer to the heart of town, finally found a place to park, and hopped out to walk several blocks to the bar I work at on the weekends. I listened as I passed person after person and glowing lamp after glowing lamp, past old brownstone buildings, the neon-filled windows of bars, and decorative storefronts. I listened as I lit out across old brick streets and a cool breeze whipped my hair like a flag in the wind. And I listened as I bounded up the steps and through the front doors of the bar. We are just as free, free as we’ll ever be. These moments, when I’m heading to work, when I have do laundry, when I have to spend soooo much time doing things other than what I really want to do, I can feel the raging inferno inside threatening to consume me if I don’t release it into some form of creativity. I know what Zac Brown is talking about. I feel it all the time.

But instead of railing against the invisible brick walls or rattling the bars of the invisible prison I’ve created in my mind by feeding into a succession of thoughts about how all I want to do is be free to create all the time, but I’m not…I’m going to honor that fire in me by finding joy in the now I don’t want; by finding joy in the things that must be done that I don’t want to do. I’m going to honor that fire by opening the door of my heart in every moment for its expansion in my life, no matter what that moment contains. I’m going to keep throwing that door of my heart open, because what if it’s right? What if it’s right that I have to work two jobs as I build my art business? What if it’s right because it’s the path of least resistance to meeting the right person to connect me to something big and wonderful for my business? What if it’s right because I’m going to learn something that will forever change the course of my life in the process? Just…what if it’s right? What if the very thing I hate and don’t want, is actually right and I just need to open my heart to receive it? What if the linchpin for everything that I want exists within the walls of everything that I don’t? 

What if!?

Tonight I have to work. But today I got to write. It isn’t enough. I don’t just want more, I need more. I need more time to create. There’s an urgency roaring within me. I feel like my life depends on it. I don’t just want to create as bad as I want air. I need to create with the same necessity in which I need to breathe. And that is how I know I’m close, I’m so close, to all of my dreams coming true. If I can keep my heart propped open for all of life as it is to be loved, I know all that I love and want will become my life fully. I’m so close. I’m so close! It’s only a matter of openhearted time.

The Law of Attraction Workshop and Women’s Retreat

Saturday, January 11, 2014 was our annual Women’s Retreat at my church. I just loved the Women’s Retreat! I think it was the best one yet. Our keynote speaker at the beginning of the retreat spoke about the importance of storytelling, how we use our language, the importance of the stories about ourselves that we hold, the importance of empathy as well as how to empathize with others, and last, but not least, expressive writing–sort of a blueprint for writing for self-discovery. It led into my workshop perfectly.

Then I attended the workshop titled “Stories Untold–Women of the bible we often overlook”. It was excellent and dove into some very difficult texts with great discussion about what these strong, wise women did in the face of unthinkable situations, horrors and violence still in place today. I was familiar with none of the stories, so it was truly fascinating for me.

Then it was time or my workshop, titled “The Law of Attraction, How we create our own lives and realize dreams”. I was expecting 20 people for sure and prepared for 15 extra. The night before, as I was printing off the handouts for everyone, something kept telling me to print 40. I thought, no, 35 will do. I  have no idea why, especially after spending extra time going over my Law of Attraction information, I didn’t listen to that voice. Because as I gave out all 35 hand outs I was short approximately 5. Accident? Ha! I don’t think so! In this past week I have come up with another new goal for 2014: to become a better LISTENER– fully listening with an open mind to other people, to myself, and to the voice of God, our Source, who is always communicating with us.

So the workshop was definitely full! That’s very exciting in and of itself! But how was it received? I can’t be sure, but I hope that everyone took something positive away from it. As for me, I am not a trained speaker. I want to be a great speaker, but when I stand up in front of a group of people I have this psychosomatic internal reaction in which my breath gets cut short, making it difficult to speak, I generally break out in a bit of a nervous sweat, and I’m completely irritated by all of it, because I want to be a dynamic speaker! I solved my problem, sort of, by sitting down, which for some reason, alleviated all of those symptoms. How annoying! All I can do is laugh at myself and seek ways to improve my speaking abilities, because I really do want to be able to give successful, dynamic talks on the things I passionately study.

We covered a lot of ground in the workshop. I began with a lot of basic information from Esther and Jerry Hicks’ Ask and it is Given, and the emotional scale, the fact that whatever emotion for vibrating with, that’s your point of attraction–only things that match your vibration can manifest in your life. We also covered some of Bruce Lipton’s information on epigenetics and some of the physics information that ties into the Law of Attraction. For those new to that information, which many people are, I’m sure that was a lot to take in. I didn’t fully finish all of he scientific information, because I wasn’t sure if I was about to lose people to paralysis of analysis at that point and I wanted some room for conversation. And I think we had some great conversation.

Moving forward, the rest of my day was very good. I got to go to a movie with my Jordan before going to work. We had an extremely busy night, which was good. By the time I went home, I was barely functioning. I was exhausted, and came home to another huge dirt mess. Our puppy randomly decided to knock over a whole bunch of plants and play in the dirt. In the nearly four years that I’ve been with Jordan, we had two of the DUMBEST arguments I’ve ever participated in–EVER. And we were so emotionally invested in them! One was over the dirt and my plants, and one was over plates. Yeah. Plates. I think it was residual negative energy from spending half the week in a bad space mentally. That was long enough to attract a handful of negative experiences. I still can’t believe how upset I was about the plates argument. I actually cried. A lot. So stupid.

I woke up the next day thinking, WHAT the…Jordan and I both woke up in perfectly good moods late Sunday morning and we both apologized to each other. Jordan said what he always says after the rare occasion we had an argument, “Let’s never fight again.” And I said, “I agree, and at least if/when we do, let it actually make some sort of sense!” and we both laughed. But this is yet another example of, when negative emotion gets some major momentum going, sometimes the only thing you can do is take a nap or go to bed. The importance of sleep is that your thoughts stop. With the stopping of thought comes renewal, and no matter how bad the day before was, if you intend a better day tomorrow, you’ll wake up in a better frame of mind.

Sunday I was so exhausted from my long day Saturday that I only left the recliner to do some art projects and make dinner. All in all, it was an awesome weekend. I took some time to reflect back on the weekend and the retreat and the fact that I made some great, new connections with members of the church I didn’t really know. One thing that kept coming up over the course of my time at the retreat were little inklings of ideas for using my horses in some kind of service helping people. That’s truly an amazing idea. Especially since one of my goals for this year is to start my two un-started horses under saddle, and to create a blog detailing my adventures with building a language with them and communicating from the ground up. I’m extremely excited to begin and embark on this journey as well!

These are the two that I’m going to start this year: Baby (the white one, registered name: Baby Joe Hancock) and Winsome!

As you can see, Baby doesn’t roll…he devotes a solid twenty minutes or so to grinding himself into the dirt. He’s a trip.

Something else that’s always in the back of my mind is creating some sort of program to teach the Law of Attraction to the homeless. Empowering those who want to learn how to empower themselves to live a better life. Because everything begins with thought and the energy those thoughts emit. From nothing and no way, a way can be created. Everyone needs to know that!

I think 2014 is going to be a VERY interesting year! I’m excited to see what takes shape in my life and the lives of others!